Hi Friends,
Sorry. Slack isn't even a word for what I am
I am writing again because baby things are happening. Early this month we transfered and yesterday we got a BFP. Of course that was after a fairly skinny positive, so as that is the way Thumper started out, I not sure if I am excited yet.
Going in for number 4 was surreal, and I feel pretty guilty. Even though Earl and I always wanted a stack of kids, it feels greedy and weird as a IF experiencer. We have 4 more embryos two which is an emotional roller-coaster. After two cesareans they won't recommend more than two more. So embryo adopting out might be in our future. I love the idea of helping someone in need, but it is very heart-breaking thinking of my babies being brought up by another family.
The kids are wonderful. C is curious a d a big talker. E is clever and cheeky. S is affectionate and hilarious.
Earl is going well, though he has his down days. He is such a fun Dad and loves starting to do things with the boys he loved as a kid. We are moving to a bigger house which is a relief.
I have a book idea related to my IF and pregnancy experience that I am quite excited about. One day I'll get there with it.
My heart grieves for those I know still struggling, IRL and on-line. I don't know understand why things are as they are :(
I am so grateful for this space. I re-read my earlier points when making notes for my book. I don't know how I would have survived without this space and the people it brought me.
Love LG
Friday, March 24, 2017
Friday, February 12, 2016
No you can't take that away from me
Infertility is a strange beast.
There is a sense in which I have defeated the beast, afterall I have three beautiful children, many more embryos. I also know that there are many others who still long for children or know that children are not going to happen and that is really hard and difficult and I pray for you often.
So in writing this paragraph, I don't want to imply that any of these hard things are anything compared to the difficulties of not having a child and not knowing if you ever will.
But even though infertility is past, there are two major things it has robbed from me that still make me sad. The first thing is that in two groups of friends, I've sort of been left behind because I didn't have kids at the same time as them. Not that they are not still my friends, and they have been some of the most supportive people through my IF struggle. But my group of church friends who got married within a year of me, and the couples who Tim and I studies with all had kids in the heart of our struggle, and their kids are the same age and they went through Motherhood together and it's just natural that they grew together as we grew apart.
But it's still a bit painful, even after all these years.
The other thing is my nephew. As long time readers of this blog will know, I was pretty upset when I found out that my sister-in-law was pregnant. It got turned on it's head when my nephew was diagnosised (and then miraculously undiagnosed) with Spina Bifida, but finding out I was going to be an Aunt was not a happy thing. I'm really sad, now that I have my precious kids (who ADORE their older cousin) that a time which should have been happy was so difficult and hard.
But lately I've had some lovely experiences which has helped me with these two griefs.
The first is with my Best friend.
My best friend who didn't get married until half way through my IF journey and who had her first baby a year before the boys.
We spent the morning together, as we do about once a month (she lives a little way away now). C was so easy to get dressed that morning because he just wanted to "Go to K's house". The two of them play so beautifully together, with Sebastian joining in at times of his choosing (he is more introverted). My best friend also has a little boy who is between the Twins and E in age and he follows the boys around with a big grin on his face. And K adores E and spends a fair bit of the morning getting out all her favourite toys for "Baby E" to play with. She is so beautiful and gentle with her and puts her face up close and talks to her. E stares back in wrapped adoration :)
It is just a joy to see our kids play together, and to have them so close in age. Something that may not have been if my kids had started arriving five years before hers.
The other exciting thing is...I'm going to be an Aunty again!
Earl's brother and his wife are pregnant. This is particularly poignant because they actually lost twins in the middle of the year. It was such a sad time, and it remains a very sad thing, but we are all so overjoyed that they have a beautiful new baby to fill their hearts with joy.
And joy is what I feel. I am so excited and have been swapping stories and advice with my dear sister-in-law. I'm really hoping for a little girl (E is very out-numbered in the wider family), but whatever happens I am so excited to meet my little nephew/niece.
So infertility, my old friend, you still have some negative impacts on my life but sharing motherhood with my best friend and the excitement of being an Aunty- well you can't take that away from me.
LG
csssssssssmmmmmmmmmmmmmddduuuu7yyyyy5
There is a sense in which I have defeated the beast, afterall I have three beautiful children, many more embryos. I also know that there are many others who still long for children or know that children are not going to happen and that is really hard and difficult and I pray for you often.
So in writing this paragraph, I don't want to imply that any of these hard things are anything compared to the difficulties of not having a child and not knowing if you ever will.
But even though infertility is past, there are two major things it has robbed from me that still make me sad. The first thing is that in two groups of friends, I've sort of been left behind because I didn't have kids at the same time as them. Not that they are not still my friends, and they have been some of the most supportive people through my IF struggle. But my group of church friends who got married within a year of me, and the couples who Tim and I studies with all had kids in the heart of our struggle, and their kids are the same age and they went through Motherhood together and it's just natural that they grew together as we grew apart.
But it's still a bit painful, even after all these years.
The other thing is my nephew. As long time readers of this blog will know, I was pretty upset when I found out that my sister-in-law was pregnant. It got turned on it's head when my nephew was diagnosised (and then miraculously undiagnosed) with Spina Bifida, but finding out I was going to be an Aunt was not a happy thing. I'm really sad, now that I have my precious kids (who ADORE their older cousin) that a time which should have been happy was so difficult and hard.
But lately I've had some lovely experiences which has helped me with these two griefs.
The first is with my Best friend.
My best friend who didn't get married until half way through my IF journey and who had her first baby a year before the boys.
We spent the morning together, as we do about once a month (she lives a little way away now). C was so easy to get dressed that morning because he just wanted to "Go to K's house". The two of them play so beautifully together, with Sebastian joining in at times of his choosing (he is more introverted). My best friend also has a little boy who is between the Twins and E in age and he follows the boys around with a big grin on his face. And K adores E and spends a fair bit of the morning getting out all her favourite toys for "Baby E" to play with. She is so beautiful and gentle with her and puts her face up close and talks to her. E stares back in wrapped adoration :)
It is just a joy to see our kids play together, and to have them so close in age. Something that may not have been if my kids had started arriving five years before hers.
The other exciting thing is...I'm going to be an Aunty again!
Earl's brother and his wife are pregnant. This is particularly poignant because they actually lost twins in the middle of the year. It was such a sad time, and it remains a very sad thing, but we are all so overjoyed that they have a beautiful new baby to fill their hearts with joy.
And joy is what I feel. I am so excited and have been swapping stories and advice with my dear sister-in-law. I'm really hoping for a little girl (E is very out-numbered in the wider family), but whatever happens I am so excited to meet my little nephew/niece.
So infertility, my old friend, you still have some negative impacts on my life but sharing motherhood with my best friend and the excitement of being an Aunty- well you can't take that away from me.
LG
csssssssssmmmmmmmmmmmmmddduuuu7yyyyy5
Monday, October 5, 2015
A Girl and a Singleton
She is here.
My little girl was born as planned on the 26th of June. Yes I know that was three months ago and I feel bad for not recording anything. But life with three is full and to be honest I find it hard enough to tear myself away from her cuddles to do jobs I need to do (like housework!) so I haven't had blogging up there as the greatest priority.
Our daughter is named E. It has been our number one girls name for over six years. Overall everyone has liked the name.
She has dark hair like me and those dark blue eyes that could turn to anything. Some people say she looks like C (she has his big eyes and dimply cheeks), and some say she looks like S (she has his bone structure and small stature). I think she looks a bit like me as a baby and a bit like my sister which is rather fun. She has the sweetest smile and while she smiles at other people (particularly Daddy and Grandma) she saves her most bright smiles for me.
I would have been overjoyed to have another boy and I don't love her more than her brothers. But there is this weird thing about having a child the same sex as you. The boys still sometimes seem a little bit of a mystery to me. But the connection I have with E is strange because I feel like I already know her in a way I couldn't the boys. I get a little of what her life will be like. And particularly if she is the only girl (which we can't know for sure but it's a reasonable possibility)- there is a sense in which we are a little team within our family, and we will probably do things together just as "the boys" will.
And having one baby is a nice change! I had forgotten how much i love newborns, and she is an "easy" baby, doing regular six hour stints at night and being pretty happy when awake. One of the biggest joys is with more sleep and experience Earl and I are getting on well and enjoying parenting together.
In terms of the birth is was very different than the boys. She came out and was held up for us to see, and then was dressed and checked by the ped. But because she was elective rather than emergency they had a camera and a screen set up so I never actually lost sight of her. And the moment they confirmed she okay i got to hold her. But the ped knew just by touch she was too small to stay with me so i had to say goodbye. and this was strangely harder than with the boys because i had hope i could avoid goodbyes. She had 9 days in special care and it was horrible aways being away from at least one child. She had no complications (she just needed to suck feed and grow) but it was a tough start.
The boys are developing so fast i feel like I could blink and miss it. C has been full sentences for a month, S just this week. Yesterday I told him Daddy wanted to play and he said "I too busy play trains with Belle and Tonnor" (Belle and Connor are his trains names)
It's like someone flicked a switch in their brains and now they are little people with thoughts and imaginations.
C is out-going and silly. He is full of energy and climbs on everything. He is super imaginative and is always pretending to be animals (Cats and Giraffes are his current favourites). He loves songs and singing and when in the car will happily sing to himself. His favourite songs are Twinkle Twinkle, the Thomas song, and 1,2,3,4,5 once I caught a fish alive.
He is quite a thinker. He often talks about people he knows or repeats what I say in a way that shows he gets it. He is much more interested in God conversations than his brother. He adores family members and also talks about them. He is particularly close to my mother. He loves Daddy and one of his favourite statements is "Daddy and C Go X TOGETHER" (he always says together in a loud voice). He always wants to go to work with Daddy and even says "C help Daddy at work". He is rather disobedient and cheeky, but loves "helping". He favourite jobs are watering the garden, putting washing in the machine and "taking out the rubbish" with Daddy. All of these jobs would be done better without him but we are happy to encourage him!
S is such a little comedian. When he does something wrong you say "That was naughty" and he replies "Not naughty, funny!" It is so hard to keep a straight face. His smile is so sweet we often have strangers commenting on how cute he his (the mop of blond hair and the lashed up green eyes probably help too). He is such a Mummies boy and my hand is his security blanket. He constantly says "Mummy hand-a" and then either gentle pinches each knuckle, or holds my hand to his face and gives it little kisses. He is pretty good with other people but will always ask for me if I'm gone for long.
He is such an affectionate boy. His k and c's are pronounced as t and so he always asks for "Tisses and Tuddles"
Both boys love Thomas but S is obsessed. He loves the books, the show and the trains and will sit there by himself just babbling out little Thomas stories from his head. He always asks to watch it, and even though we keep his TV watching to a strict schedule, he is very good at finding Daddy's not very well hiden ipad and turning on Netflix. That is the other S characteristic- he is amazing with technology. Family members often get unexpected calls from S because he finds my phone and knows how to call them!
Both boys love books.
Life is actually really good at the moment. I am very happy. Partly it is just the excitement of a newborn. Partly it is spring which is my favourite month. Partly it is that I'm an extra-vert and I've designed my life so there are lots of people in it and that makes me happy. And partly it's that Earl is going well and that is such a corner stone to my happiness.
Thanks for those who are still reading,
LG
My little girl was born as planned on the 26th of June. Yes I know that was three months ago and I feel bad for not recording anything. But life with three is full and to be honest I find it hard enough to tear myself away from her cuddles to do jobs I need to do (like housework!) so I haven't had blogging up there as the greatest priority.
Our daughter is named E. It has been our number one girls name for over six years. Overall everyone has liked the name.
She has dark hair like me and those dark blue eyes that could turn to anything. Some people say she looks like C (she has his big eyes and dimply cheeks), and some say she looks like S (she has his bone structure and small stature). I think she looks a bit like me as a baby and a bit like my sister which is rather fun. She has the sweetest smile and while she smiles at other people (particularly Daddy and Grandma) she saves her most bright smiles for me.
I would have been overjoyed to have another boy and I don't love her more than her brothers. But there is this weird thing about having a child the same sex as you. The boys still sometimes seem a little bit of a mystery to me. But the connection I have with E is strange because I feel like I already know her in a way I couldn't the boys. I get a little of what her life will be like. And particularly if she is the only girl (which we can't know for sure but it's a reasonable possibility)- there is a sense in which we are a little team within our family, and we will probably do things together just as "the boys" will.
And having one baby is a nice change! I had forgotten how much i love newborns, and she is an "easy" baby, doing regular six hour stints at night and being pretty happy when awake. One of the biggest joys is with more sleep and experience Earl and I are getting on well and enjoying parenting together.
In terms of the birth is was very different than the boys. She came out and was held up for us to see, and then was dressed and checked by the ped. But because she was elective rather than emergency they had a camera and a screen set up so I never actually lost sight of her. And the moment they confirmed she okay i got to hold her. But the ped knew just by touch she was too small to stay with me so i had to say goodbye. and this was strangely harder than with the boys because i had hope i could avoid goodbyes. She had 9 days in special care and it was horrible aways being away from at least one child. She had no complications (she just needed to suck feed and grow) but it was a tough start.
The boys are developing so fast i feel like I could blink and miss it. C has been full sentences for a month, S just this week. Yesterday I told him Daddy wanted to play and he said "I too busy play trains with Belle and Tonnor" (Belle and Connor are his trains names)
It's like someone flicked a switch in their brains and now they are little people with thoughts and imaginations.
C is out-going and silly. He is full of energy and climbs on everything. He is super imaginative and is always pretending to be animals (Cats and Giraffes are his current favourites). He loves songs and singing and when in the car will happily sing to himself. His favourite songs are Twinkle Twinkle, the Thomas song, and 1,2,3,4,5 once I caught a fish alive.
He is quite a thinker. He often talks about people he knows or repeats what I say in a way that shows he gets it. He is much more interested in God conversations than his brother. He adores family members and also talks about them. He is particularly close to my mother. He loves Daddy and one of his favourite statements is "Daddy and C Go X TOGETHER" (he always says together in a loud voice). He always wants to go to work with Daddy and even says "C help Daddy at work". He is rather disobedient and cheeky, but loves "helping". He favourite jobs are watering the garden, putting washing in the machine and "taking out the rubbish" with Daddy. All of these jobs would be done better without him but we are happy to encourage him!
S is such a little comedian. When he does something wrong you say "That was naughty" and he replies "Not naughty, funny!" It is so hard to keep a straight face. His smile is so sweet we often have strangers commenting on how cute he his (the mop of blond hair and the lashed up green eyes probably help too). He is such a Mummies boy and my hand is his security blanket. He constantly says "Mummy hand-a" and then either gentle pinches each knuckle, or holds my hand to his face and gives it little kisses. He is pretty good with other people but will always ask for me if I'm gone for long.
He is such an affectionate boy. His k and c's are pronounced as t and so he always asks for "Tisses and Tuddles"
Both boys love Thomas but S is obsessed. He loves the books, the show and the trains and will sit there by himself just babbling out little Thomas stories from his head. He always asks to watch it, and even though we keep his TV watching to a strict schedule, he is very good at finding Daddy's not very well hiden ipad and turning on Netflix. That is the other S characteristic- he is amazing with technology. Family members often get unexpected calls from S because he finds my phone and knows how to call them!
Both boys love books.
Life is actually really good at the moment. I am very happy. Partly it is just the excitement of a newborn. Partly it is spring which is my favourite month. Partly it is that I'm an extra-vert and I've designed my life so there are lots of people in it and that makes me happy. And partly it's that Earl is going well and that is such a corner stone to my happiness.
Thanks for those who are still reading,
LG
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Tomorrow! 36 weeks
Sorry I haven't updated for a while but I have a good reason to today- baby girl is coming out tomorrow!
Tomorrow I will be 36 weeks and 5 days. Part of me can't believe I've made it this far, it is such an incredible answer to prayer. Two days ago she was still looking healthy and happy. Last growth scan she was still growing. But the doctors don't want to risk her going to long- and so I've had an elective C-section date booked for the last three weeks.
There are still lots of unknowns. We don't know if she will breath on her own, we don't know if she will reach the magical 2kg mark she needs to have any chance of avoiding special care (she was measuring at 1.9 last week). But she is two weeks further on than the boys were, she doesn't have pre-eclampcia to contend with, and she has made it so much further than we or the doctors dreamed. So we are thankful.
Even though I've been through it before, a C-section is a scary thing.
The boys are excited. Today at my Bible study we were praying for the baby and C started yelling "Baby sister! Baby Tig home!" over and over again when he realised what we were praying about.
The boys are staying at Mum and Dad's for four nights while I'm in hospital. I'm actually quite homesick for them. I spend half my time mourning the lack of time I will get with them now, and the other worrying about how my poor delicate little girl will survive against their crazy energy.
Earl and I had a lovely dinner out at a fancy restaurant tonight. Tomorrow we have to be at the hospital at 6am.
I don't know if I'll get a chance to update until I'm home.
Tomorrow I get to meet my daughter. I can't tell you how grateful I feel.
LG
Tomorrow I will be 36 weeks and 5 days. Part of me can't believe I've made it this far, it is such an incredible answer to prayer. Two days ago she was still looking healthy and happy. Last growth scan she was still growing. But the doctors don't want to risk her going to long- and so I've had an elective C-section date booked for the last three weeks.
There are still lots of unknowns. We don't know if she will breath on her own, we don't know if she will reach the magical 2kg mark she needs to have any chance of avoiding special care (she was measuring at 1.9 last week). But she is two weeks further on than the boys were, she doesn't have pre-eclampcia to contend with, and she has made it so much further than we or the doctors dreamed. So we are thankful.
Even though I've been through it before, a C-section is a scary thing.
The boys are excited. Today at my Bible study we were praying for the baby and C started yelling "Baby sister! Baby Tig home!" over and over again when he realised what we were praying about.
The boys are staying at Mum and Dad's for four nights while I'm in hospital. I'm actually quite homesick for them. I spend half my time mourning the lack of time I will get with them now, and the other worrying about how my poor delicate little girl will survive against their crazy energy.
Earl and I had a lovely dinner out at a fancy restaurant tonight. Tomorrow we have to be at the hospital at 6am.
I don't know if I'll get a chance to update until I'm home.
Tomorrow I get to meet my daughter. I can't tell you how grateful I feel.
LG
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
31 weeks and two Two year olds
I can't believe it's been 10 weeks since my last post.
How do I sum up the last ten weeks in the time it takes for the boys to watch one more Thomas and Friends episode? ;)
Week 1-Trying to be calm not knowing what having another little baby might be. Trying not to think worst case.
Week 2 and 3- Hawaii! A wonderful two weeks where little girl started moving more- letting me know she was at least growing and alive over the trip. Hawaii was so much fun, the boys were charming, it was great having so much time together, and Earl now constantly plays "somewhere over the rainbow" on the boys ukulele to try to bring himself back to such a wonderful time
Week 4- Scan Number 2. At 24 weeks she has grown but only 2 weeks worth. And her amniotic fluid is a little low. Doctor is cautious, and organises weekly scans.
Week 5- Despite the fact that you are not suppose to do growth scans weekly (because it's too inexact over such a small time), the doctor does another growth scan at Earl's insistence and she is approximately 500gs and no sign of ill health. Amniotic fluid is better. Boys are talking more and more, and both now call me "Mummy" instead of "Mama" and I love it.
Week 6-No growth scan this week, but she is healthy and amniotic fluid is back to normal. She is now 26 weeks.
Week 7-Growth scan and she is on track again (at about the 3rd percentile). We now will make it to 28 weeks which is a relief.
Week 8-28 weeks Another good dopler scan. Suddenly start getting quite stressed about 3 under three. Now that I know she will be okay, I think other stresses begin to mount.
Week 9-29 weeks- Growing great! Doctor still doesn't think we'll get past 34 but is talking about Special care rather than NICU and is almost tempted to move to fortnightly scans. But they don't and Earl and I are kind of relieved.
Boys are starting to play more and more independently of me, which is a relief as we prepare for number three. But they are also getting more rough with each other and that stresses me out. They aren't sleeping well and that is another big stress, I'm quite nervous about getting back into no sleep land.
Week 10-30 weeks- Great doplers. Boys turn two. They are very excited about their "train cake" and love their new Thomas trains and track. They are perfectly healthy and developed and I indulgently look through photos of them as little babies. So grateful to God for them.
Weeks 11-31 weeks. Growth Scan today- right on track again (on her percentile). The doctor actually says we could make it to 36 or 37 weeks. This is remarkable because she is a chance to go home with me if she makes it that far. I am doing my best not to get my hopes up, as this has been my dream from the start. But the big thing is that she is healthy and staying one more week.
Boys have a good sleeping week. Thanks God!
It's been a whirl-wind. I've had such a mess of emotions. But I am so grateful for another healthy/small baby.
Funny thing. Everyone is really excited about me having a girl. I feel funny about it, because if she was a boy I wouldn't care one bit. But I am having fun imagining Earl with a little daughter, and I love all the cute clothes friends are giving me. The boys talk about their sister and it's so precious. We've just started reading books about babies and they love it. I know it can never be anything but a shock but they do understand that the baby in my tummy is coming out and are excited about that.
So thankful for this little miracle number three
Love LG
How do I sum up the last ten weeks in the time it takes for the boys to watch one more Thomas and Friends episode? ;)
Week 1-Trying to be calm not knowing what having another little baby might be. Trying not to think worst case.
Week 2 and 3- Hawaii! A wonderful two weeks where little girl started moving more- letting me know she was at least growing and alive over the trip. Hawaii was so much fun, the boys were charming, it was great having so much time together, and Earl now constantly plays "somewhere over the rainbow" on the boys ukulele to try to bring himself back to such a wonderful time
Week 4- Scan Number 2. At 24 weeks she has grown but only 2 weeks worth. And her amniotic fluid is a little low. Doctor is cautious, and organises weekly scans.
Week 5- Despite the fact that you are not suppose to do growth scans weekly (because it's too inexact over such a small time), the doctor does another growth scan at Earl's insistence and she is approximately 500gs and no sign of ill health. Amniotic fluid is better. Boys are talking more and more, and both now call me "Mummy" instead of "Mama" and I love it.
Week 6-No growth scan this week, but she is healthy and amniotic fluid is back to normal. She is now 26 weeks.
Week 7-Growth scan and she is on track again (at about the 3rd percentile). We now will make it to 28 weeks which is a relief.
Week 8-28 weeks Another good dopler scan. Suddenly start getting quite stressed about 3 under three. Now that I know she will be okay, I think other stresses begin to mount.
Week 9-29 weeks- Growing great! Doctor still doesn't think we'll get past 34 but is talking about Special care rather than NICU and is almost tempted to move to fortnightly scans. But they don't and Earl and I are kind of relieved.
Boys are starting to play more and more independently of me, which is a relief as we prepare for number three. But they are also getting more rough with each other and that stresses me out. They aren't sleeping well and that is another big stress, I'm quite nervous about getting back into no sleep land.
Week 10-30 weeks- Great doplers. Boys turn two. They are very excited about their "train cake" and love their new Thomas trains and track. They are perfectly healthy and developed and I indulgently look through photos of them as little babies. So grateful to God for them.
Weeks 11-31 weeks. Growth Scan today- right on track again (on her percentile). The doctor actually says we could make it to 36 or 37 weeks. This is remarkable because she is a chance to go home with me if she makes it that far. I am doing my best not to get my hopes up, as this has been my dream from the start. But the big thing is that she is healthy and staying one more week.
Boys have a good sleeping week. Thanks God!
It's been a whirl-wind. I've had such a mess of emotions. But I am so grateful for another healthy/small baby.
Funny thing. Everyone is really excited about me having a girl. I feel funny about it, because if she was a boy I wouldn't care one bit. But I am having fun imagining Earl with a little daughter, and I love all the cute clothes friends are giving me. The boys talk about their sister and it's so precious. We've just started reading books about babies and they love it. I know it can never be anything but a shock but they do understand that the baby in my tummy is coming out and are excited about that.
So thankful for this little miracle number three
Love LG
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Again- 21 weeks and another small baby
I haven't updated my blog for the stupidest reason. Basically I changed my password and forgot what it was and then technology drives me crazy so it was hard to be motivated to sort it out.
But, as often happens with IF blogs, something goes wrong and suddenly you realise how much you need to write.
20 weeks came pretty straight-forwardly. No bleeding. Gestational Diabetes reared it's ugly head and (given I'd been through it before) caused me more issues than I expected. Mainly it was fear. I found anything that happened that was similar to the boys pregnancy made me really scared. I think I dealt well with the situation at the time, but I wonder if there was a little PTS related to it, since my fears appeared pretty groundless. My doctor assured me, there was no reason to think that Pre-eclampsia would come back, no reason to think this baby wouldn't make it to full term.
As my 20 week scan approached I was scared. Part of the problem was that I wasn't feeling much movement. I suspected (and it's now confirmed) that I had an anterior placenta which means movement takes longer to be felt. But the truth was I didn't really think something bad would come from the scan.
We went in, scared but also excited about finding out the gender. Earl thinks nothing could be better than our boys and so he wanted a boy. I wanted a girl, but it was more because I knew those around me would like that, I didn't really care that much.
Once we saw a good heart-beat I relaxed a bit. But then the doctor started measuring.
It wasn't like last time. We new exactly what to look for, we were experts after so many scans. We knew that when a tummy measures at 18 and a half weeks when you are 20 and a half weeks pregnant, that this is not a good thing.
We have another small baby.
Our Ob said it was uncanny. Basically it is S all over again, same size at the same stage. And that is not expected- Low birth weight babies do not generally happen twice to the same people. It is slightly more common in IVF, but much more common in twins than singletons. I'm not a smoker. No one expected it, and despite our fears, neither did Earl and I.
We can't really know anything until our next scan at 24 weeks. Hopefully she will grow and also catch up a bit. It is a hard wait, but we are hopeful. It's hard not to be with a crazy cute, smart little boy, running around us who also started the same. Our doctor wouldn't say, but we could tell he was more confident than he was with S. And because she is not a twin, we can do whatever we need to do for her, without having to think about the well-being of another baby.
Earl and I and the boys are off to Hawaii this week. While we would have loved to go away without the stress, I think a holiday and time away is the best thing for us to pass the time. Then it's back and the barrage of scans begins. Again.
Boys are awesome. C is talking up a storm, still mainly just single words but he can say so many things and has a great memory (basically if you sing Twinkle Twinkle little star and leave out a word he will be able to fill it in). S is a little quieter but he has started saying cute little sentences (You ask him: Do you want a biscuit? and he says "I do"- cute!). He also is getting so good with counting- you give him a pile of objects and he can count them up to ten (leaving out 5 and 7). They adore their family and our church people and are mentioning them. S can now say "Daddy" and it is the cutest thing. C is getting really good with Please (Peas) and Thank you (Thanks) and after a sleep he always ask for a "Cud" (cuddle). It's pretty special. They always talk about the baby (who we've nick-named Tig). They point to my tummy and even sometimes offer it food or drink.
Oh, and the baby is a girl.
Would appreciate prayers for our very little one.
love LG
But, as often happens with IF blogs, something goes wrong and suddenly you realise how much you need to write.
20 weeks came pretty straight-forwardly. No bleeding. Gestational Diabetes reared it's ugly head and (given I'd been through it before) caused me more issues than I expected. Mainly it was fear. I found anything that happened that was similar to the boys pregnancy made me really scared. I think I dealt well with the situation at the time, but I wonder if there was a little PTS related to it, since my fears appeared pretty groundless. My doctor assured me, there was no reason to think that Pre-eclampsia would come back, no reason to think this baby wouldn't make it to full term.
As my 20 week scan approached I was scared. Part of the problem was that I wasn't feeling much movement. I suspected (and it's now confirmed) that I had an anterior placenta which means movement takes longer to be felt. But the truth was I didn't really think something bad would come from the scan.
We went in, scared but also excited about finding out the gender. Earl thinks nothing could be better than our boys and so he wanted a boy. I wanted a girl, but it was more because I knew those around me would like that, I didn't really care that much.
Once we saw a good heart-beat I relaxed a bit. But then the doctor started measuring.
It wasn't like last time. We new exactly what to look for, we were experts after so many scans. We knew that when a tummy measures at 18 and a half weeks when you are 20 and a half weeks pregnant, that this is not a good thing.
We have another small baby.
Our Ob said it was uncanny. Basically it is S all over again, same size at the same stage. And that is not expected- Low birth weight babies do not generally happen twice to the same people. It is slightly more common in IVF, but much more common in twins than singletons. I'm not a smoker. No one expected it, and despite our fears, neither did Earl and I.
We can't really know anything until our next scan at 24 weeks. Hopefully she will grow and also catch up a bit. It is a hard wait, but we are hopeful. It's hard not to be with a crazy cute, smart little boy, running around us who also started the same. Our doctor wouldn't say, but we could tell he was more confident than he was with S. And because she is not a twin, we can do whatever we need to do for her, without having to think about the well-being of another baby.
Earl and I and the boys are off to Hawaii this week. While we would have loved to go away without the stress, I think a holiday and time away is the best thing for us to pass the time. Then it's back and the barrage of scans begins. Again.
Boys are awesome. C is talking up a storm, still mainly just single words but he can say so many things and has a great memory (basically if you sing Twinkle Twinkle little star and leave out a word he will be able to fill it in). S is a little quieter but he has started saying cute little sentences (You ask him: Do you want a biscuit? and he says "I do"- cute!). He also is getting so good with counting- you give him a pile of objects and he can count them up to ten (leaving out 5 and 7). They adore their family and our church people and are mentioning them. S can now say "Daddy" and it is the cutest thing. C is getting really good with Please (Peas) and Thank you (Thanks) and after a sleep he always ask for a "Cud" (cuddle). It's pretty special. They always talk about the baby (who we've nick-named Tig). They point to my tummy and even sometimes offer it food or drink.
Oh, and the baby is a girl.
Would appreciate prayers for our very little one.
love LG
Saturday, January 10, 2015
13 weeks and the news coming out
Every day I click on my blog to look at my reading list and see if friends have posted. And I despair that so few people write anymore because I miss their blogs. The irony is that I don't really post either.
But things are good!
We have had three different scans and each one showed a baby just the right size and one beautiful heartbeat. The last scan happened to fall 4 years exactly from when we found out that Thumpers heart had stopped beating. It was nerve racking (as much as I try not to be superstitious I really was scared), it was emotional and as different as could be. The little baby was kicking and punching and the doctor joked baby was preparing for a life with two older brothers.
I have been calling the baby Tig. I suggested Tigger but Earl thought it was too cutesy. I changed it to Tig and Earl still won't use it (this from the man who came up with Big Head!), but I like it. It has been nice to be able to have a name to chat to the boys about.
Of course they don't get it at all, but if you ask them where Baby Tig is they will point to my tummy and if you ask them to kiss baby Tig they kiss my tummy which is so cute.
We have told family. Generally everyone has been super surprised. I don't know if it's because it took us so long the first time, or if it's just that people think that after twins you should wait a while but no one has really expected it. For that reason I think the initial reactions have been a bit reserved, but overall people are getting excited.
We are making it public in the next couple of days.
We saw the Obstetrician yesterday and they are going to monitor me really carefully because of my pre-eclampsia with the last pregnancy. She was lovely and reassuring but the truth is I'm pretty nervous. Not that baby won't be alright, but just that my simple dreams of having a normal labour or even just a baby who stays with me after birth might not happen. I'm so desperate to avoid the nursery this time. But I realise once again these things are out of my hands.
My bloggy friend Lara has her twins in Special care and I am praying heaps for her because it is really hard. Brings back so many memories.
The boys are little hurracaines! Seriously they are so full of life, into everything and running around whenever we are out and about. I love it, but it is exhausting. Often people talk about twins being more independent than Non-twins but my boys are a bit clingy, happy to play but want to be in the room with me. C is such a boy, he is obsessed with cars and trains and trucks. But he loves music too and spends all day "playing" the piano. My parents have a ukulele and C loves his "Tar" and walks around with it everywhere. He loves running and hiding and he is so easy to make laugh.
S is my little people person, he loves people and cuddles and is obsessed with ducks and reading Spot books. He also loves my parents chickens and loves collecting the eggs (he is so careful!). He also loves counting everything (especially eggs in the carton) and even though he still doesn't talk as much as C he counts everything "Von, two, two, two, four". He can say all his numbers up to 5 and has even said 1,2, 3 before. He is a boy of routine, he loves doing the same things in the same way. He reminds me so much of my Dad, and Earl's Dad says Connor is a little Earl.
They are starting to get a bit more trantrummy. BUT they are sleeping heaps better. Our challenges of the next few weeks are to stop having them come into our bed in the morning (it's squishy enough without my belly getting bigger, and to have them going to bed without us holding their hand before the baby comes.
Life with three under three with no doubt be crazy but I am so excited and beyond grateful.
Love LG
But things are good!
We have had three different scans and each one showed a baby just the right size and one beautiful heartbeat. The last scan happened to fall 4 years exactly from when we found out that Thumpers heart had stopped beating. It was nerve racking (as much as I try not to be superstitious I really was scared), it was emotional and as different as could be. The little baby was kicking and punching and the doctor joked baby was preparing for a life with two older brothers.
I have been calling the baby Tig. I suggested Tigger but Earl thought it was too cutesy. I changed it to Tig and Earl still won't use it (this from the man who came up with Big Head!), but I like it. It has been nice to be able to have a name to chat to the boys about.
Of course they don't get it at all, but if you ask them where Baby Tig is they will point to my tummy and if you ask them to kiss baby Tig they kiss my tummy which is so cute.
We have told family. Generally everyone has been super surprised. I don't know if it's because it took us so long the first time, or if it's just that people think that after twins you should wait a while but no one has really expected it. For that reason I think the initial reactions have been a bit reserved, but overall people are getting excited.
We are making it public in the next couple of days.
We saw the Obstetrician yesterday and they are going to monitor me really carefully because of my pre-eclampsia with the last pregnancy. She was lovely and reassuring but the truth is I'm pretty nervous. Not that baby won't be alright, but just that my simple dreams of having a normal labour or even just a baby who stays with me after birth might not happen. I'm so desperate to avoid the nursery this time. But I realise once again these things are out of my hands.
My bloggy friend Lara has her twins in Special care and I am praying heaps for her because it is really hard. Brings back so many memories.
The boys are little hurracaines! Seriously they are so full of life, into everything and running around whenever we are out and about. I love it, but it is exhausting. Often people talk about twins being more independent than Non-twins but my boys are a bit clingy, happy to play but want to be in the room with me. C is such a boy, he is obsessed with cars and trains and trucks. But he loves music too and spends all day "playing" the piano. My parents have a ukulele and C loves his "Tar" and walks around with it everywhere. He loves running and hiding and he is so easy to make laugh.
S is my little people person, he loves people and cuddles and is obsessed with ducks and reading Spot books. He also loves my parents chickens and loves collecting the eggs (he is so careful!). He also loves counting everything (especially eggs in the carton) and even though he still doesn't talk as much as C he counts everything "Von, two, two, two, four". He can say all his numbers up to 5 and has even said 1,2, 3 before. He is a boy of routine, he loves doing the same things in the same way. He reminds me so much of my Dad, and Earl's Dad says Connor is a little Earl.
They are starting to get a bit more trantrummy. BUT they are sleeping heaps better. Our challenges of the next few weeks are to stop having them come into our bed in the morning (it's squishy enough without my belly getting bigger, and to have them going to bed without us holding their hand before the baby comes.
Life with three under three with no doubt be crazy but I am so excited and beyond grateful.
Love LG
Friday, November 14, 2014
BFP...eventually
I am horrible at updating, aren't I?
It's been a pretty hectic two months with lots going on with trying.
Our first transfer happened a little over a month ago. It was a sad, strange day. We had 9 embryos, 2 day 5s and 7 day 2s. We were letting the day 2s grow to blaststocysts for transfer, so that if they didn't make it we could still transfer one of the frozen day five. As we waited in the lobbie the nurse said, "we are running late, the embryo is still defrosting". My heart sank. We had lost one more precious Emby.
The transfer went ahead and that next week was punctuated by nausea. I was so sure I was pregnant, so AF was a huge shock. It was really sad. But different. I said to my BFF, it was sad and I was mourning, but it didn't have the same earth shattering effect of the previous years. Having two amazing little blond boys to hold helped.
I am so ridiculously aware of how blessed I am. After the BFN, while the boys were in their high chairs I said (more to myself than them) "Boys, will you be sad if you don't get another sister or brother?" Now S was not talking much at that stage. But he reach out his hand and said "bra bra". Connor took his hand and they smiled at each other. I am so aware of my dear friends longing for siblings for their miracles. I had that built in, and it is amazing.
And then we had our next transfer.
It couldn't be more different. No expectations. A transfer of one fantastic looking blast that had grown from day two. No symptoms. But no period either.
Beta day was weird. Our clinic has changed policy. Under 100, not positive but retest. Under 200, positive but retest. Over 200, pregnant and go onto scan.
I got 185.
Which seemed good but the nurse was very cautious.
Three days later I took another test. They wanted at least 550.
It was 800. BFP
That was yesterday.
Earl and I have just had our first night away from the boys. It's been such a special time to celebrate. It is early days but we are happy.
The boys are doing well. They are saying funny words and making us laugh. C is growing more affectionate and S more brave but they are such little individuals. They still don't sleep but there are occasional good days that give us hope.
Earls depression came back, but is manageable at the moment. Happy news has helped I think.
My blog feed has slowed down, as less people write. I have watched three friends get pregnant with twins and several others struggle on the path to number two. I also watch friends who I love dealy with life without kids.
It's a strange community because we are drawn together with our shared struggles but our paths are so different .
But I pray for you all.
Love LG
It's been a pretty hectic two months with lots going on with trying.
Our first transfer happened a little over a month ago. It was a sad, strange day. We had 9 embryos, 2 day 5s and 7 day 2s. We were letting the day 2s grow to blaststocysts for transfer, so that if they didn't make it we could still transfer one of the frozen day five. As we waited in the lobbie the nurse said, "we are running late, the embryo is still defrosting". My heart sank. We had lost one more precious Emby.
The transfer went ahead and that next week was punctuated by nausea. I was so sure I was pregnant, so AF was a huge shock. It was really sad. But different. I said to my BFF, it was sad and I was mourning, but it didn't have the same earth shattering effect of the previous years. Having two amazing little blond boys to hold helped.
I am so ridiculously aware of how blessed I am. After the BFN, while the boys were in their high chairs I said (more to myself than them) "Boys, will you be sad if you don't get another sister or brother?" Now S was not talking much at that stage. But he reach out his hand and said "bra bra". Connor took his hand and they smiled at each other. I am so aware of my dear friends longing for siblings for their miracles. I had that built in, and it is amazing.
And then we had our next transfer.
It couldn't be more different. No expectations. A transfer of one fantastic looking blast that had grown from day two. No symptoms. But no period either.
Beta day was weird. Our clinic has changed policy. Under 100, not positive but retest. Under 200, positive but retest. Over 200, pregnant and go onto scan.
I got 185.
Which seemed good but the nurse was very cautious.
Three days later I took another test. They wanted at least 550.
It was 800. BFP
That was yesterday.
Earl and I have just had our first night away from the boys. It's been such a special time to celebrate. It is early days but we are happy.
The boys are doing well. They are saying funny words and making us laugh. C is growing more affectionate and S more brave but they are such little individuals. They still don't sleep but there are occasional good days that give us hope.
Earls depression came back, but is manageable at the moment. Happy news has helped I think.
My blog feed has slowed down, as less people write. I have watched three friends get pregnant with twins and several others struggle on the path to number two. I also watch friends who I love dealy with life without kids.
It's a strange community because we are drawn together with our shared struggles but our paths are so different .
But I pray for you all.
Love LG
Saturday, September 20, 2014
Back in the Saddle
Hello, it's been a while!
How long? Well, the boys are both 16 months. It is crazy to think that last time I wrote they were not walking, they were not understanding what we said, that they were barely saying Mum, Mum and Dada.
They are some of the most mobile toddlers I know. They don't walk, they run, and they are climbing on everything at the moment. C is speaking quite a bit- he's even just started on his first two word sentences (Bye Dad, Shower Dad, Tat Eow (Cat Meow). S doesn't say many words other than Mum and Dad, but he has this strange babble which almost sounds like sentences, and occasionally I feel like I understand him. He is so animated.
They are both funny, silly, happy boys and they bring such joy to everyone.
They don't sleep well and they are into everything and I am exhausted much of the time. But I wouldn't trade them, they are so dear to me.
And, as the title of the post suggests, we are beginning again.
I am in the process of taking some medication to get me to ovulate and then we'll be transferring our next embryo. I honesty don't know how to feel about any of it. I'm scared and nervous about beginning the process with so little sleep in my life. I am nervous about what life would be like with three little ones. But I'm much more nervous about it not working. When chatting with my doctor he shared our concerns. We had done so many cycles. Was it the steroids that made the difference, meaning that this next cycle is likely to work as well? Or was it just an amazing one off from God (or a medical one, from our doctors point of you). And because we won't know until we try some more times it's hard to know what to expect.
Earl is pretty relaxed. He feels like no matter what happens, because we have the boys it can't ever be as hard as it was. And I know that's true. But I love these embryos, and I want them to have a chance. And I am so grateful for my boys and I know if the only children I have on earth are them I will be happy. But I would love to have more children.
So that's my update. Life is good, exhausting and I can't believe we are starting again.
I'm so sorry I haven't been able to comment on many blogs. I just don't have much time on the computer nowadays and I can't comment on my phone. But I check regularly and pray for you all.
Love LG
How long? Well, the boys are both 16 months. It is crazy to think that last time I wrote they were not walking, they were not understanding what we said, that they were barely saying Mum, Mum and Dada.
They are some of the most mobile toddlers I know. They don't walk, they run, and they are climbing on everything at the moment. C is speaking quite a bit- he's even just started on his first two word sentences (Bye Dad, Shower Dad, Tat Eow (Cat Meow). S doesn't say many words other than Mum and Dad, but he has this strange babble which almost sounds like sentences, and occasionally I feel like I understand him. He is so animated.
They are both funny, silly, happy boys and they bring such joy to everyone.
They don't sleep well and they are into everything and I am exhausted much of the time. But I wouldn't trade them, they are so dear to me.
And, as the title of the post suggests, we are beginning again.
I am in the process of taking some medication to get me to ovulate and then we'll be transferring our next embryo. I honesty don't know how to feel about any of it. I'm scared and nervous about beginning the process with so little sleep in my life. I am nervous about what life would be like with three little ones. But I'm much more nervous about it not working. When chatting with my doctor he shared our concerns. We had done so many cycles. Was it the steroids that made the difference, meaning that this next cycle is likely to work as well? Or was it just an amazing one off from God (or a medical one, from our doctors point of you). And because we won't know until we try some more times it's hard to know what to expect.
Earl is pretty relaxed. He feels like no matter what happens, because we have the boys it can't ever be as hard as it was. And I know that's true. But I love these embryos, and I want them to have a chance. And I am so grateful for my boys and I know if the only children I have on earth are them I will be happy. But I would love to have more children.
So that's my update. Life is good, exhausting and I can't believe we are starting again.
I'm so sorry I haven't been able to comment on many blogs. I just don't have much time on the computer nowadays and I can't comment on my phone. But I check regularly and pray for you all.
Love LG
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Ten Months and the challenge of honesty and thankfulness
It's been over three months since I've posted.
One of the things that I really struggle with when it comes to facebook is that there are two "sins" that I don't want to commit.
The first one is "fakeness". I don't want to be one of those people who posts beautiful happy photos and gushes about my perfect life when things are tough.
The second one is a lack of thankfulness. I used to find it so hard to hear people who spent their time complaining about their kids when they should be thankful for the incredible gift that they are.
I think these "sins" are ones I am conscious of on this blog as well, particularly when I think about the last three months. Is that why I haven't written. No, it's just that time on my computer is very limited and I've been busy and tired. The boys until this week have been very unsettled in the early evening so I haven't really had many evenings to rest. And when I have I've usually been hanging with family or Earl and that has been the priority. But Earl is watching NBA/AFL and the boys are actually sleeping well so I thought I'd drop in briefly before I work on another thing I've been missing- novel writing.
So, the last three months have been hard. The long and short of it is that Earl has been suffering depression. It took me a while to figure it out (and a little while to convince him), but it explained so much when we figured it out. Why our marriage had been such hard work. Why Earl had been so withdrawn. Why Earl was so negative about his work when things were actually going well. Having a husband who is depressed is hard work, having a husband who is depressed while parenting twins is really hard work. He was still enjoying the boys of course, but he just didn't have much energy for them, and pretty much none for me.
He's been seeing a counsellor and is doing a lot better. And I'm really seeing the difference in life, and starting to feel a bit more on top of things again. Not many people tell you how big an impact kids have on your marriage. But it feels like we are finally making head-way in prioritising each other again and it's a blessing.
The other tough factor is that the boys do not sleep. On a good night C will sleep through, but S is up usually three times in the night. On a bad night C is woken up too, and spends most of the night in our bed. Coping with 10 months of little sleep is pretty overwhelming, and while I cope with the day, the nights are so hard. We are signed up to sleep school in May, and I'm just hanging out until the time.
But that's the strange thing. Even though it's been a really tough 3 months to leave it at that is just half the picture. The truth is though life is tough it is also amazingly beautiful. Every month with the boys is better and better as their sweet, fun personalities begin to emerge. I have loved, loved, loved being a Mum to these special little guys.
C is hilarious. He has the most infectious- breathy laugh and he is so easy to make laugh. His smile lights up his whole face. He isn't crawling much yet, though he does occasional proper crawls but he mainly just commando's around the place in a strange move which looks like the butterfly in swimming. He is pretty fast and strong despite that. He pulled to stand 2 weeks after S but has caught up quickly and is pulling himself up on everything and only needs one hand to balance. He is very needy when he falls, even though he's learnt now to land on his bottom. He is super clingy to me and is always wanting to snack on Milk and I'm still working out how to break him of this. He loves his brother, is always laughing when he sees him and tends to follow him round the house. He is my snuggler buggler, always moving in for kisses and nuzzling necks. He always tries to touch and kiss other babies so I am always running interference! He says Mama when he's sad and Da Da when he's happy as well as Aba and nana
S is my crazy crawler- he is so fast. He always makes people start because he can crawl and pull himself up to stand on furniture, and yet he is still the size of a three month old. S loves exploring, and particularly following. Earl and he are always playing games, Earl walks around the house and S chases, or Earl puts a dummy in his mouth and S tries to grab it. He laughs and laughs. His smile is so beautiful and he smiles all the time. He crawls up to me and pulls himself up on my pant leg and just grins at me. He has only just this week started getting interested in C and now they always hang out together, leaning on the cabnet, or playing on their activity table, or taking toys from each other (they never fight, they just take turns pulling it from each others fingers and keep smiling through the process). S says Deda and Gega and Mama.
C will eat anything and loves eating from and playing with spoons. S prefers feeding himself and is quite fussy. They eat bread and yoghurt and rice cereal everyday and I've been giving them various soft stews as well as peas and corn, egg, sticks of capsicum or cucumber, and roast veggies. They eat off our plates too. They are very messy but meals times are lots of fun. We do prayers in the morning after breakfast and read our kids Bible, then we sing some songs.
They have no health problems, and are on track developmentally. It is crazy to think that they had such a scary start. We can't imagine life without them.
Still no teeth.
Every week there is something new and special.
Yesterday I had organised an event with my Mums group and everybody pulled out. This is the kind of thing that crushes me and I cried on the way home. When I was home I put the boys in their highchairs and gave them dinner. They were laughing with each other, trying to work out how to eat tiny peas without many fine motor skills. I just looked at them and just felt so happy. That is my life. Hard and overwhelming and wonderful. All rolled into one.
Loving following everyone's stories. I'm not the only one who blogs less but I guess that's just how it is. Excited for many friends who are embarking on new adventures. Still praying for those who are dealing with disappointments and discouragement.
Can't promise I will write regularly but I will try.
love LG
One of the things that I really struggle with when it comes to facebook is that there are two "sins" that I don't want to commit.
The first one is "fakeness". I don't want to be one of those people who posts beautiful happy photos and gushes about my perfect life when things are tough.
The second one is a lack of thankfulness. I used to find it so hard to hear people who spent their time complaining about their kids when they should be thankful for the incredible gift that they are.
I think these "sins" are ones I am conscious of on this blog as well, particularly when I think about the last three months. Is that why I haven't written. No, it's just that time on my computer is very limited and I've been busy and tired. The boys until this week have been very unsettled in the early evening so I haven't really had many evenings to rest. And when I have I've usually been hanging with family or Earl and that has been the priority. But Earl is watching NBA/AFL and the boys are actually sleeping well so I thought I'd drop in briefly before I work on another thing I've been missing- novel writing.
So, the last three months have been hard. The long and short of it is that Earl has been suffering depression. It took me a while to figure it out (and a little while to convince him), but it explained so much when we figured it out. Why our marriage had been such hard work. Why Earl had been so withdrawn. Why Earl was so negative about his work when things were actually going well. Having a husband who is depressed is hard work, having a husband who is depressed while parenting twins is really hard work. He was still enjoying the boys of course, but he just didn't have much energy for them, and pretty much none for me.
He's been seeing a counsellor and is doing a lot better. And I'm really seeing the difference in life, and starting to feel a bit more on top of things again. Not many people tell you how big an impact kids have on your marriage. But it feels like we are finally making head-way in prioritising each other again and it's a blessing.
The other tough factor is that the boys do not sleep. On a good night C will sleep through, but S is up usually three times in the night. On a bad night C is woken up too, and spends most of the night in our bed. Coping with 10 months of little sleep is pretty overwhelming, and while I cope with the day, the nights are so hard. We are signed up to sleep school in May, and I'm just hanging out until the time.
But that's the strange thing. Even though it's been a really tough 3 months to leave it at that is just half the picture. The truth is though life is tough it is also amazingly beautiful. Every month with the boys is better and better as their sweet, fun personalities begin to emerge. I have loved, loved, loved being a Mum to these special little guys.
C is hilarious. He has the most infectious- breathy laugh and he is so easy to make laugh. His smile lights up his whole face. He isn't crawling much yet, though he does occasional proper crawls but he mainly just commando's around the place in a strange move which looks like the butterfly in swimming. He is pretty fast and strong despite that. He pulled to stand 2 weeks after S but has caught up quickly and is pulling himself up on everything and only needs one hand to balance. He is very needy when he falls, even though he's learnt now to land on his bottom. He is super clingy to me and is always wanting to snack on Milk and I'm still working out how to break him of this. He loves his brother, is always laughing when he sees him and tends to follow him round the house. He is my snuggler buggler, always moving in for kisses and nuzzling necks. He always tries to touch and kiss other babies so I am always running interference! He says Mama when he's sad and Da Da when he's happy as well as Aba and nana
S is my crazy crawler- he is so fast. He always makes people start because he can crawl and pull himself up to stand on furniture, and yet he is still the size of a three month old. S loves exploring, and particularly following. Earl and he are always playing games, Earl walks around the house and S chases, or Earl puts a dummy in his mouth and S tries to grab it. He laughs and laughs. His smile is so beautiful and he smiles all the time. He crawls up to me and pulls himself up on my pant leg and just grins at me. He has only just this week started getting interested in C and now they always hang out together, leaning on the cabnet, or playing on their activity table, or taking toys from each other (they never fight, they just take turns pulling it from each others fingers and keep smiling through the process). S says Deda and Gega and Mama.
C will eat anything and loves eating from and playing with spoons. S prefers feeding himself and is quite fussy. They eat bread and yoghurt and rice cereal everyday and I've been giving them various soft stews as well as peas and corn, egg, sticks of capsicum or cucumber, and roast veggies. They eat off our plates too. They are very messy but meals times are lots of fun. We do prayers in the morning after breakfast and read our kids Bible, then we sing some songs.
They have no health problems, and are on track developmentally. It is crazy to think that they had such a scary start. We can't imagine life without them.
Still no teeth.
Every week there is something new and special.
Yesterday I had organised an event with my Mums group and everybody pulled out. This is the kind of thing that crushes me and I cried on the way home. When I was home I put the boys in their highchairs and gave them dinner. They were laughing with each other, trying to work out how to eat tiny peas without many fine motor skills. I just looked at them and just felt so happy. That is my life. Hard and overwhelming and wonderful. All rolled into one.
Loving following everyone's stories. I'm not the only one who blogs less but I guess that's just how it is. Excited for many friends who are embarking on new adventures. Still praying for those who are dealing with disappointments and discouragement.
Can't promise I will write regularly but I will try.
love LG
Monday, December 16, 2013
seven months
Bullet points today :)
-lovely stage. The Count is now so easy to make laugh. He is such a sweet heart, with the biggest smile and such big starring eyes. He is so strong and now bounces up and down on your lap when you hold him to stand. He still flaps his arms and legs when you put him on his tummy, and he kicks his legs when he is excited, like when he sees a familiar face or when he realises its time for solids :) He is a big eater and we have started givING him snacks from our own plates which is fun.
Little Sir is still a charmer. He had the sweetest smile and he will often talk to people or even more his head or wave his arms for their attention. He has just started waving his hand, rotating it slowly and starring in fascination. He is easily spooked and so needs occasional comforting.
C is very strong but not very Coordinated. He grabs his dummy out then proceeds to bash himself in the face with it trying to get it back in
Sleep at night is tough, but they are so much better during the day. I am in a pretty good place, so struggling less with the stress of being the primary settler. Though on days where it is just me putting then to bed at night after a whole day with them I feel pretty exhausted. Earl is great but his primary method of getting the boys to sleep is cuddling then in bed which u isn't always convenient. C about every 4 days screams for 30 minutes before bed. We have no idea why, but it's more upsetting for others who come to help than us because we know it passes and that it's just a tantrum from an otherwise happy boy.
I bought C a monkey and S a lion for Christmas. Was hats to find a good set but I went with Jellycat from the Uk, such a beautiful collection of soft toys!
I know that the boys don't know what is going on, but I am loving preparING then for their first Christmas. Every morning we sing a Carol ( I made S cry with the high note from oh Holly night! ). I've bought then little out fits. That live starring at the shiny baubles on the tree. We had fun picking photos of the boys to give to relatives.
I am part of a mums group in my local area and I love it. We are all so different but United by the same experiences of having babies the same age. I feel very blessed witmy group, that we ate all keen and friendly and honest about our struggles. We did a Christmas partywith the nbabies and husbands.
Earl as been overworked and a bit down. Im praying a less busu summer will bring him back to normal fun Earl. But trying to support him as best I can.
I am loving this time and stage. But Christmas is tied up with thought of Thumper. So tgere are tinges of sadness within my joy.
LG
-lovely stage. The Count is now so easy to make laugh. He is such a sweet heart, with the biggest smile and such big starring eyes. He is so strong and now bounces up and down on your lap when you hold him to stand. He still flaps his arms and legs when you put him on his tummy, and he kicks his legs when he is excited, like when he sees a familiar face or when he realises its time for solids :) He is a big eater and we have started givING him snacks from our own plates which is fun.
Little Sir is still a charmer. He had the sweetest smile and he will often talk to people or even more his head or wave his arms for their attention. He has just started waving his hand, rotating it slowly and starring in fascination. He is easily spooked and so needs occasional comforting.
C is very strong but not very Coordinated. He grabs his dummy out then proceeds to bash himself in the face with it trying to get it back in
Sleep at night is tough, but they are so much better during the day. I am in a pretty good place, so struggling less with the stress of being the primary settler. Though on days where it is just me putting then to bed at night after a whole day with them I feel pretty exhausted. Earl is great but his primary method of getting the boys to sleep is cuddling then in bed which u isn't always convenient. C about every 4 days screams for 30 minutes before bed. We have no idea why, but it's more upsetting for others who come to help than us because we know it passes and that it's just a tantrum from an otherwise happy boy.
I bought C a monkey and S a lion for Christmas. Was hats to find a good set but I went with Jellycat from the Uk, such a beautiful collection of soft toys!
I know that the boys don't know what is going on, but I am loving preparING then for their first Christmas. Every morning we sing a Carol ( I made S cry with the high note from oh Holly night! ). I've bought then little out fits. That live starring at the shiny baubles on the tree. We had fun picking photos of the boys to give to relatives.
I am part of a mums group in my local area and I love it. We are all so different but United by the same experiences of having babies the same age. I feel very blessed witmy group, that we ate all keen and friendly and honest about our struggles. We did a Christmas partywith the nbabies and husbands.
Earl as been overworked and a bit down. Im praying a less busu summer will bring him back to normal fun Earl. But trying to support him as best I can.
I am loving this time and stage. But Christmas is tied up with thought of Thumper. So tgere are tinges of sadness within my joy.
LG
Friday, November 29, 2013
Sixth Months
(This post was started a while ago- but better late than never)
My boys were six months on Saturday.
Life with my boys at the moment is such a weird combination of beautiful and fun, and exhausting and hard, that it's hard to know how to write about it. I guess I'll start with beautiful and fun.
So, we have two rolling boys. It is the cutest thing. Originally Little Sir would roll over and then immediate complain until we rolled him back. Now he doesn't mind it so much. The Count LOVES Tummy time so he can be left happily on his tummy for quite a while.
So often I start making assumptions about their personalities, only to find out that they are actually just stages. The Count went from very chatty to super quiet, while Little Sir began to talk and laugh all the time. Now Little Sir is mostly quiet and the Count is cracking us up with the sounds he is making. He is clearly experimenting, with everything from baby squeals, to quiet groans that make it sound like he has emphysema! He has started regularly laughing which is pretty cute too. He favourite things are peak-boo, someone sneezing, and having his clothes taken off. He is going to be one of those toodlers who you look away from for a minute and they are completely naked :)
Little Sir might have quietened down, but he is still a super smiley boy. I don't want to jinks it, but I think he's a Mummies boy. He was sitting on Daddies chest in bed when I lay down beside. He immediately lunged for me, almost toppling off. And when I settle him to sleep, I usually hold his unwrapped hand so he wont take his dummy/paci out. Now he just reaches for my hand automatically. So cute.
The Count definitely loves his Daddy, he kicks and laughs when he walks in the room. He is so active, kicking and shaking on his back, and on his tummy he lifts everything off the ground and wiggles like a little turtle.
Solids have been fun. The Count is definitely ready, he gets so excited when he sees the room coming, and manages to put things away fairly well. Little Sir is much more cautious, though he always eats a little of everything. hes just started liking rice cereal.
The Count loves: Rice cereal, pumpkin and peas, mango
He dislikes: avocado, sweet potato
The hard?
Sleep
The boys have not been sleeping well. Little Sir gets up at least twice a night,
The Count at least once. They are so hard to settle in the day. I quick sleep training because it was too hard. Now I try to be diligent with their morning naps, but in the arvo when both boys are sleeping it is all bets off.
Ive been very close to being depressed, which is hard for someone whi loves her boys, and who fought hard for them. I want to be fully enjoying this gift. Vut six months of sleep deprivation has its toll. one morning last week I looked down at a smiling Count and was not looking forward to the day wirh him. That was a red flag that I was not coping.
Since originally writing this post ive been on holidays and am feeling much better. So nicw to be enjoying my boys again.
But I wanted to record the hard because it is part of this journey.
LG
My boys were six months on Saturday.
Life with my boys at the moment is such a weird combination of beautiful and fun, and exhausting and hard, that it's hard to know how to write about it. I guess I'll start with beautiful and fun.
So, we have two rolling boys. It is the cutest thing. Originally Little Sir would roll over and then immediate complain until we rolled him back. Now he doesn't mind it so much. The Count LOVES Tummy time so he can be left happily on his tummy for quite a while.
So often I start making assumptions about their personalities, only to find out that they are actually just stages. The Count went from very chatty to super quiet, while Little Sir began to talk and laugh all the time. Now Little Sir is mostly quiet and the Count is cracking us up with the sounds he is making. He is clearly experimenting, with everything from baby squeals, to quiet groans that make it sound like he has emphysema! He has started regularly laughing which is pretty cute too. He favourite things are peak-boo, someone sneezing, and having his clothes taken off. He is going to be one of those toodlers who you look away from for a minute and they are completely naked :)
Little Sir might have quietened down, but he is still a super smiley boy. I don't want to jinks it, but I think he's a Mummies boy. He was sitting on Daddies chest in bed when I lay down beside. He immediately lunged for me, almost toppling off. And when I settle him to sleep, I usually hold his unwrapped hand so he wont take his dummy/paci out. Now he just reaches for my hand automatically. So cute.
The Count definitely loves his Daddy, he kicks and laughs when he walks in the room. He is so active, kicking and shaking on his back, and on his tummy he lifts everything off the ground and wiggles like a little turtle.
Solids have been fun. The Count is definitely ready, he gets so excited when he sees the room coming, and manages to put things away fairly well. Little Sir is much more cautious, though he always eats a little of everything. hes just started liking rice cereal.
The Count loves: Rice cereal, pumpkin and peas, mango
He dislikes: avocado, sweet potato
The hard?
Sleep
The boys have not been sleeping well. Little Sir gets up at least twice a night,
The Count at least once. They are so hard to settle in the day. I quick sleep training because it was too hard. Now I try to be diligent with their morning naps, but in the arvo when both boys are sleeping it is all bets off.
Ive been very close to being depressed, which is hard for someone whi loves her boys, and who fought hard for them. I want to be fully enjoying this gift. Vut six months of sleep deprivation has its toll. one morning last week I looked down at a smiling Count and was not looking forward to the day wirh him. That was a red flag that I was not coping.
Since originally writing this post ive been on holidays and am feeling much better. So nicw to be enjoying my boys again.
But I wanted to record the hard because it is part of this journey.
LG
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Five and a half months
Im sitting feeding the Count at 7 in the morning. It's been a brutal night. The boys took turns at waking up and needing settling, and they both needed two feeds. It's har to believe that a week ago Little Sir got up once and The Count slept through. Im hoping this is a growth spurt week and not the new normal.
We went to sleep school this week. It was really helpful. So we are now in training. Im trying to teach my boys to put themselves to sleep. Basically, I put them in their cot and walk away. If they cry, I go in and settle them. If they cry again, I settle again. If they get really upset, I pick them up and settle. It can take over half an hour to settle just one baby! It's short term pain for the long term gain of having boys who settle themselves. But it is exhausting.
The boys are deveopmentaly leaping every week The count is so strong, he now loves tummy time and standing. He is gripping things and playing with toys.
Little Sir has just learnt to roll back to tummy and now he wont stop. It's hilarious because if I put him on his tummy he rolls back, but if he gets there himself he cries until I turn himover. He loves pulling out his dummy and he is almost managing to put it back in.
They are both laughing and are constantly charming strangers with their smiles. And their parents too!
I love this age but im exhausted. Hopefully soon we'll get their day sleeps sorted so I no longer need a friend to make my naps happen.
Oh, and this week we are trying solids! So excited!
LG
We went to sleep school this week. It was really helpful. So we are now in training. Im trying to teach my boys to put themselves to sleep. Basically, I put them in their cot and walk away. If they cry, I go in and settle them. If they cry again, I settle again. If they get really upset, I pick them up and settle. It can take over half an hour to settle just one baby! It's short term pain for the long term gain of having boys who settle themselves. But it is exhausting.
The boys are deveopmentaly leaping every week The count is so strong, he now loves tummy time and standing. He is gripping things and playing with toys.
Little Sir has just learnt to roll back to tummy and now he wont stop. It's hilarious because if I put him on his tummy he rolls back, but if he gets there himself he cries until I turn himover. He loves pulling out his dummy and he is almost managing to put it back in.
They are both laughing and are constantly charming strangers with their smiles. And their parents too!
I love this age but im exhausted. Hopefully soon we'll get their day sleeps sorted so I no longer need a friend to make my naps happen.
Oh, and this week we are trying solids! So excited!
LG
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Remembering
This week has been a week of remembering.
A week ago was the anniversary of our bfp. I was all sent to blog about it. But as I was about to I remembered back to when we were still trying and what it was like reading those posts. The pain of looking back a year at my initial joy for my friend and realising that a whole year had past without any good news for me. So I couldn't write it.
The web is filled with mentions of loss. Because Australia is ahead of everywhere I forgot and couldn't light a candle. But I am thinking of the little lost ones of many of my friends and of course my dear little Thumpet and his embaby brothers and sisters.
My babies. Lost, but not forgotten and not for good.
Love LG
A week ago was the anniversary of our bfp. I was all sent to blog about it. But as I was about to I remembered back to when we were still trying and what it was like reading those posts. The pain of looking back a year at my initial joy for my friend and realising that a whole year had past without any good news for me. So I couldn't write it.
The web is filled with mentions of loss. Because Australia is ahead of everywhere I forgot and couldn't light a candle. But I am thinking of the little lost ones of many of my friends and of course my dear little Thumpet and his embaby brothers and sisters.
My babies. Lost, but not forgotten and not for good.
Love LG
Thursday, October 3, 2013
New names and sleep regression
This blog has always been anonymous. Not that I have any grand ideas that it's ever going to be read by more than just a handful of people, but I've tried to keep real names out of things. But when the boys were born I wanted to share their names because I love them, and because I see those who do read as a significant part of my story and I feel you all deserve that. But now that im writing more again I decided it's time for nick names again
At first I wanted tea names, with their real first letters, but the only ones that I could come up with was Spearmint and Camomile which seemed too girly! So I decided to stick with fancy titles so my boys will be The Count and Little Sir.
Boys are not sleeping well. The Count is struggling with going down at night, Little Sir with staying down. And they take turns with bad day sleeping. Im exhausted and discouraged. The Count has had a few nights and one afternoon of melt downs where he is so upset he wont even eat because he is so upset. I have many theories: teething, sore throat, over stimulation but of course I can't ask him. It makes me sad because it is so unlike him. Once again it reminds me that so mych of parenting is flying by the seat of your pants.
Please pray for my friend S. She is in the middle of a FET for a second child. Her beta was 50. She doesn't know how to feel, she is so scared to loose her embabie. Any prayers would be appreciated.
Thanks,
LG
At first I wanted tea names, with their real first letters, but the only ones that I could come up with was Spearmint and Camomile which seemed too girly! So I decided to stick with fancy titles so my boys will be The Count and Little Sir.
Boys are not sleeping well. The Count is struggling with going down at night, Little Sir with staying down. And they take turns with bad day sleeping. Im exhausted and discouraged. The Count has had a few nights and one afternoon of melt downs where he is so upset he wont even eat because he is so upset. I have many theories: teething, sore throat, over stimulation but of course I can't ask him. It makes me sad because it is so unlike him. Once again it reminds me that so mych of parenting is flying by the seat of your pants.
Please pray for my friend S. She is in the middle of a FET for a second child. Her beta was 50. She doesn't know how to feel, she is so scared to loose her embabie. Any prayers would be appreciated.
Thanks,
LG
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
a year ago...
A year ago today I went through a medical procedure known as an embryo transfer. Two embabies, one blast, one murula were placed inside me. Nothing seemed different than our smany others. But it was different. It was C and S and these embabies stayed.
I still have to pinch myself.
Can they really be mine?
Tomorrow is S Hernia op. Id appreciate prayer.
Lg
I still have to pinch myself.
Can they really be mine?
Tomorrow is S Hernia op. Id appreciate prayer.
Lg
Saturday, September 21, 2013
The five minute break
I've been thinking about advice iv been given.
I ll share more in future poss but there is one piece that stands above the rest. I can't remember if I heard it from a nurse first, but I definitely read it in a pamphlet on how to avoid post natal depression.
If you are feeling so overwhelmed with emotions that you start to feel angry at your baby, then put your baby somewhere safe, leave the room and have a five minute break.
Most of that time the safe place was Earl's arms (I may or may not have said "tag your it"). Once it was the cot, I left my crying baby in his cot and left the room. Because the house is tiny I could still hear crying so I would have a five minute shower so I could not hear any cries.
At the moments I always felt like a failure. But five minutes later I would return to my boys a new Mum. No longer were they little beings that hated me but they were my boys who needed me and cried because that's all they knew.
Showers were so precious. They were my only real break. Other times I could be intrupted by cries or an apologetic Earl "I think he's still hungry. "
So as strange as it sounds, my best advice for mums is to have a break when your not coping. Because as my Nan said to my Dad when I was his little S- no babyever died from crying.
LG
I ll share more in future poss but there is one piece that stands above the rest. I can't remember if I heard it from a nurse first, but I definitely read it in a pamphlet on how to avoid post natal depression.
If you are feeling so overwhelmed with emotions that you start to feel angry at your baby, then put your baby somewhere safe, leave the room and have a five minute break.
Most of that time the safe place was Earl's arms (I may or may not have said "tag your it"). Once it was the cot, I left my crying baby in his cot and left the room. Because the house is tiny I could still hear crying so I would have a five minute shower so I could not hear any cries.
At the moments I always felt like a failure. But five minutes later I would return to my boys a new Mum. No longer were they little beings that hated me but they were my boys who needed me and cried because that's all they knew.
Showers were so precious. They were my only real break. Other times I could be intrupted by cries or an apologetic Earl "I think he's still hungry. "
So as strange as it sounds, my best advice for mums is to have a break when your not coping. Because as my Nan said to my Dad when I was his little S- no babyever died from crying.
LG
Thursday, September 19, 2013
My contrary boy!
S has a very needy boy of late
I dont know if it's a bad habit from too much time with my parents who are very keen to cuddle if he looks even slightly grumpy, but the last two days he's been unhappy unless he is cuddled, and even sometimes when he is. Very exhausting when you have another boy who needs you too. Im grateful that C can play on his mat happily, provided that I am talking to him, smiling lots and occasionally touching him.
S is such a charmer. Whike C smiles more, and they are wide, he smiles everywhere and not so much at people. So much so that we were worried about his sight for a while. But S stares right in your eye, so you feel like you are his world. It's pretty gorgeous, and it makes me very tolerant.
Any way, unrelated to this, S has been diagnosed with a hernia and needs an op. Its retractable now but needs to be sorted so it doesn't harm his teste5 long term.
The surgeon was late and S was grumpy. But when he saw her he smiled. She wanted to get him to strain so that the hernia would pop out, and tried to make him cry. He wouldn't! She striped him naked. Nothing. She tapped on his tummy. Nothing. She dangled him in the air. He smiled. She even resorted to dripping cold water on his tummy.
Earl and I laughed and laughed. Our contrary boy.
Earl said "he's got three people staring at him; of course he's happy. An extravert, just like his Mum! "
S is just like me as a baby. And while ot may be payback for my own contrary childhood, there is part of me that just loves the fact.
LG
I dont know if it's a bad habit from too much time with my parents who are very keen to cuddle if he looks even slightly grumpy, but the last two days he's been unhappy unless he is cuddled, and even sometimes when he is. Very exhausting when you have another boy who needs you too. Im grateful that C can play on his mat happily, provided that I am talking to him, smiling lots and occasionally touching him.
S is such a charmer. Whike C smiles more, and they are wide, he smiles everywhere and not so much at people. So much so that we were worried about his sight for a while. But S stares right in your eye, so you feel like you are his world. It's pretty gorgeous, and it makes me very tolerant.
Any way, unrelated to this, S has been diagnosed with a hernia and needs an op. Its retractable now but needs to be sorted so it doesn't harm his teste5 long term.
The surgeon was late and S was grumpy. But when he saw her he smiled. She wanted to get him to strain so that the hernia would pop out, and tried to make him cry. He wouldn't! She striped him naked. Nothing. She tapped on his tummy. Nothing. She dangled him in the air. He smiled. She even resorted to dripping cold water on his tummy.
Earl and I laughed and laughed. Our contrary boy.
Earl said "he's got three people staring at him; of course he's happy. An extravert, just like his Mum! "
S is just like me as a baby. And while ot may be payback for my own contrary childhood, there is part of me that just loves the fact.
LG
Monday, September 16, 2013
Holidays and why twins are cool
Earl and I just took the boys to Sydney for our first proper holiday since their birth. I was pretty aprehensive. I knew it could go two ways: disaster or awesome. My parents were joining us for the weekend, so I knew we were garenteed some help and rest, but was unsure about the rest.
It was awesome. Sydney is beautiful. I lived there for 4 years and am glad to be home in Melbourne now but I tell you, Sydney is the most gorgeous place to visit. We stayed at Manly on the ocean, then a few days near the Harbour.
The boys slept well at night. The time started off with a marriage retreat, and the boys cried the whole afternoon. We looked at each other and said "We made a mistake". But that night the boys did 10 and 9 hours! And for the rest of our time on our own they were great.
Having Earl around was great. He saw the boys in their lovely morning play and tag teaming made it feel like a break for me too. And I felt like us again. It's strange, things have been a little strained between Earl and I and is the business of normal life I thought it was Earl'S fault. But with time to process I realised that I was feeling more sensitive thsn normal and insecure because I was tired. And that was making me feel needy and upset. And here I was thinking how well I was dealing with the lack of sleep!
So with that figured out most of the strain was gone and we were able to becour usually happy selves.
We went out for food and visited the zoo. And it was better because the boys were there.
People always act a little sorry for me because I have baby twins. They assume that twins are all hard. They are hard. But it is also double blessing. Some things are twice the fun.
That was our holiday.
Twice the fun.
LG
It was awesome. Sydney is beautiful. I lived there for 4 years and am glad to be home in Melbourne now but I tell you, Sydney is the most gorgeous place to visit. We stayed at Manly on the ocean, then a few days near the Harbour.
The boys slept well at night. The time started off with a marriage retreat, and the boys cried the whole afternoon. We looked at each other and said "We made a mistake". But that night the boys did 10 and 9 hours! And for the rest of our time on our own they were great.
Having Earl around was great. He saw the boys in their lovely morning play and tag teaming made it feel like a break for me too. And I felt like us again. It's strange, things have been a little strained between Earl and I and is the business of normal life I thought it was Earl'S fault. But with time to process I realised that I was feeling more sensitive thsn normal and insecure because I was tired. And that was making me feel needy and upset. And here I was thinking how well I was dealing with the lack of sleep!
So with that figured out most of the strain was gone and we were able to becour usually happy selves.
We went out for food and visited the zoo. And it was better because the boys were there.
People always act a little sorry for me because I have baby twins. They assume that twins are all hard. They are hard. But it is also double blessing. Some things are twice the fun.
That was our holiday.
Twice the fun.
LG
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Random one handed musings at 11weeks (and happy Thumper day)
I'm lying in bed listening to C grizzle, hoping its a pre-sleep grizzle not a "I'm crying until I get a cuddle" grizzle.
Life is lovely but full.
Some bullet points is all I'm up to at present. I will write more one day, and I have some lovely pics for you of the boys.
C has started smiling and it's beyond cute. But not at me, just in general at things around me. He has smiled directly at Earl, Earl's mum, and my Aunt. I shouldn't be upset but I am.
S on the other hand only ever smiles in his sleep except for yesterday when he grinned at me. So precious.
Last Thursday was Thumper day, the anniversary of Thumpers due date. He would be three. We went out for lunch. It was special, and emotional to have two little boys to celebrate with us.
How do you survive twins? Help. I realised I could technically care for them with out extra help, but with others to garentees my day sleep, to help in the house and to change the boys, then it's a joy. So I am letting go of pride and embracing the help. My folks are overseas and I can't wait for them to get back. My Mum is amazing and I just tread water without her.
The boys change fast. They hated nappy changes, now that they are aware of the mobile above the mat, they love them! They pick different times to sleep, it's always a guess, will they give me he'll in the late evening or 6am to 9am? First C hates his bath, then S while C cries when I take him out.
They are cute as anything.
Earl and I are adjusting to parenthood and I hate to admit it but I'm jealous that the boys get most of his attention and affection. We are working on it though, and I do love how much he loves them.
I worry that my joy is hurting my IF buddies.
I am overjoyed for the if successes I'm following.
I blog everyday n my head and never for real. I can do things with one hand, because I'm either sleeping, feeding, holding a baby, walking the babies expressing or eating. If I'm lucky I shower. I can't comment but I am thinking of you all.
Bf is good, though double feeding is tough. I avoid it when I can because they need so much help latching inevitably they take turns feeding and screaming for food.
C is my C-bubba, my angel-bear and my gorgie-porgie. Sebastian is my S-bubba, my Bassie-boy, my beautiful little man, and my pixie boy.
Connor is four kgs and Seb is 2.8. Connor is in 4 zeros, Seb in five.
They are such a gift. I love them like crazy.
LG
Life is lovely but full.
Some bullet points is all I'm up to at present. I will write more one day, and I have some lovely pics for you of the boys.
C has started smiling and it's beyond cute. But not at me, just in general at things around me. He has smiled directly at Earl, Earl's mum, and my Aunt. I shouldn't be upset but I am.
S on the other hand only ever smiles in his sleep except for yesterday when he grinned at me. So precious.
Last Thursday was Thumper day, the anniversary of Thumpers due date. He would be three. We went out for lunch. It was special, and emotional to have two little boys to celebrate with us.
How do you survive twins? Help. I realised I could technically care for them with out extra help, but with others to garentees my day sleep, to help in the house and to change the boys, then it's a joy. So I am letting go of pride and embracing the help. My folks are overseas and I can't wait for them to get back. My Mum is amazing and I just tread water without her.
The boys change fast. They hated nappy changes, now that they are aware of the mobile above the mat, they love them! They pick different times to sleep, it's always a guess, will they give me he'll in the late evening or 6am to 9am? First C hates his bath, then S while C cries when I take him out.
They are cute as anything.
Earl and I are adjusting to parenthood and I hate to admit it but I'm jealous that the boys get most of his attention and affection. We are working on it though, and I do love how much he loves them.
I worry that my joy is hurting my IF buddies.
I am overjoyed for the if successes I'm following.
I blog everyday n my head and never for real. I can do things with one hand, because I'm either sleeping, feeding, holding a baby, walking the babies expressing or eating. If I'm lucky I shower. I can't comment but I am thinking of you all.
Bf is good, though double feeding is tough. I avoid it when I can because they need so much help latching inevitably they take turns feeding and screaming for food.
C is my C-bubba, my angel-bear and my gorgie-porgie. Sebastian is my S-bubba, my Bassie-boy, my beautiful little man, and my pixie boy.
Connor is four kgs and Seb is 2.8. Connor is in 4 zeros, Seb in five.
They are such a gift. I love them like crazy.
LG
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