"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12




Friday, November 14, 2014

BFP...eventually

I am horrible at updating, aren't I?

It's been a pretty hectic two months with lots going on with trying.

Our first transfer happened a little over a month ago.  It was a sad, strange day.  We had 9 embryos, 2 day 5s and 7 day 2s. We were letting the day 2s grow to blaststocysts for transfer, so that if they didn't make it we could still transfer one of the frozen day five. As we waited in the lobbie the nurse said, "we are running late, the embryo is still defrosting". My heart sank. We had lost one more precious Emby.

The transfer went ahead and that next week was punctuated by nausea. I was so sure I was pregnant, so AF was a huge shock. It was really sad. But different. I said to my BFF, it was sad and I was mourning, but it didn't have the same earth shattering effect of the previous years. Having two amazing little blond boys to hold helped.

I am so ridiculously aware of how blessed I am. After the BFN, while the boys were in their high chairs  I said (more to myself than them) "Boys, will you be sad if you don't get another sister or brother?"  Now Sebastian was not talking much at that stage. But he reach out his hand and said "bra bra". Connor took his hand and they smiled at each other. I am so aware of my dear friends longing for siblings for their miracles. I had that built in, and it is amazing.

And then we had our next transfer.

It couldn't be more different. No expectations. A transfer of one fantastic looking blast that had grown from day two. No symptoms. But no period either.

Beta day was weird. Our clinic has changed policy. Under 100, not positive but retest. Under 200, positive but retest. Over 200, pregnant and go onto scan.

I got 185.

Which seemed good but the nurse was very cautious.

Three days later I took another test. They wanted at least 550.

It was 800. BFP

That was yesterday.

Earl and I have just had our first night away from the boys. It's been such a special time to celebrate.  It is early days but we are happy.

The boys are doing well. They are saying funny words and making us laugh. Connor is growing more affectionate and Seb more brave but they are such little individuals. They still don't sleep but there are occasional good days that give us hope.

Earls depression came back, but is manageable at the moment. Happy news has helped I think.

My blog feed has slowed down, as less people write. I have watched three friends get pregnant with twins and several others struggle on the path to number two. I also watch friends who I love dealy with life without kids.


It's a strange community because we are drawn together with our shared struggles but our paths are so different .

But I pray for you all.
Love LG