"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Friday, March 29, 2013

29 weeks, and getting prepared

This was one of those, I can't believe I'm here weeks. Next week will be the same. 30 weeks just sounds so serious! We are both relieved they would be okay arriving now, but also desperately encouraging them to stay put.

Our normal doc has been away and I can't wait to see him on Friday. It just feels like it's time to make plans and I have so many questions! Will be good to talk things through.

Yesterday was weird. As I've probably said before, I work part time and volunteer part time. Tuesday was my last "work day", and yesterday was my last volunteer day. I'm so excited, I've been waiting six years for this moment- but it does feel very strange. Particularly as I'm at least starting off SAHM, so there is no set plans of return. I'm sad about the relationships that are ending, though it is for the best reason ever!

Maternity leave has been this juicy carrot at the end of a busy and tiring two months. But I realise now I'm here, there is much to be done. The house is still not organised, the baby clothes need washing, and there is various bits of paper work to do. Not to mention baby shopping! So I'm setting the aim of one task a day. That way I can get the rest I'm suppose to have, but still have things ticking off my list.

On to the update!

Far along: 29 weeks, one day

Weight: find out next week at hospital

Bump: I love it! My BFF reckons I look 40 weeks now. It is still very pointy and cute. It's hard to imagine bubs will double in the next nine weeks, so I don't think it will look normal for long. It gets bumps on it depending where the boys are pushing out. (I had an friend  ask me what's the secret to looking so good in pregnancy. I thought it was a weird question.. I'm not blowing my own horn, I just think it's weird how you cant predict how you will look.  I'm not naturally skinny or anything. But i guess pregnancy just works with my body shape)

Position: BH is head down on the right, Dancer is transverse across the top/middle (he moves positions a bit).

Movement: harder to tell who is who with there overlap, but always get at least a few kicks that I know are from each of them. No days this week where kicking has stressed me out, so very thankful.  BH is still very strong!

Sleep: many anxious dreams, as well as a slightly comical mid night search for Earl's ipad which he though someone pinched (it was just in our room). If I wake properly at night I struggle to sleep again, so try to keep pretty low key with my pee breaks.  Finally moved on to body pillow. Earl is not a fan!

Pain: finding occasional pain below, think it might be just pressure on my pelvic flours? But not all the time. Right shoulder gets pretty stiff. Back hurts for half a minute after being in one position too long. Overall, can't really complain.

GD: surprise, surprise- hit 28 weeks and suddenly my blood sugar levels go up. Not surprised, and insulin increase seems to have helped. Overall good, but suddenly, Inexplicably craving sugar again. Don't know why, but trying to think of ways to deal with it.

Food: pretty good. Still dairy crazy. No constipation which is just awesome!

Oh, and it would be remiss of me not to admit that Earl is reporting lots of snoring!

Mood: anxiety back a bit this week. Partly think I'm worn out. Earl has said "your overtired, go to bed" so many times this week.  I get scared about lots of things, and wonder how I will handle two.  But I get excited too, so how I am just depends on the day. I also get scared about how my relationship with Earl will change, when I'm sharing my energy among the three men! Earl's answer is always the same, we will just figure it out when we get there.  Good advice I think.  He is such a champ, I'm so excited to parent with him.

Next week is 30 weeks. Can you believe it. Can't believe in 9 weeks we've gone from so hard to so good!

Tuesday, March 26, 2013


The good. News is all the reliable indicators are good. Fluid, Doppler, and after some prodding with the wand, movement. The doctor seemed happy. Both boys were on a good trajectory, although Dancer dropped to 15 percentile. But the boys are overlapping, so it was hard to measure so Doc reckons she wouldn't worry about that.

But I do worry, I want everything perfect!

But as Doc said, it is a 28 week scan, which means my bubs (with some steroids) can survive out of the womb, so even though they don't look like coming early, if they do it should be okay.

She said to rest and enjoy them while there in. She has twins herself, and spent more time talking about that than the scan.  She said her husband told the babies every night to sleep while in the womb, and they were great sleepers.

Earl said to the boys "don't worry about sleeping times. Just concentrate on growing."



The Baby Shower

It was wonderful.

When I got home Earl said "Did you have a terrible time?  Was it awful?  Did you have no one to talk to?"  He was joking of course, so confident was he that I would have a blast.

As I think I've previously stated, it was organised by my Mum, my sister, my two sister in laws and my bff.  In the end it was mainly my sister in laws and my sister, with my Mum catering up a storm.  It was that perfect mix of relaxing and active, everyone who came had a good time, no body was stuck eating baby food (except the babies).  It was the best baby shower I had ever been to and I was so touched that people worked so hard to make it happen.

The theme was Noah's Ark, and Mum had made not only fruit platter rainbows, but even rainbow punch!

There was plenty of diabetes friendly food, but also some pretty awesome treats for those who could eat them.  My Mum even made her own profiteroles from scratch, who would have thought she could do that!

My Sister in laws were in charge of entertainment.  My sister had the idea of decorating onesies (Gilmore Girls inspired!), but SILs made it happen.  Everyone did such a good job.  And there was a twin related quiz which was really fun.  It was really a case of gifts working together.  My sister was an awesome "general" to the team, and worked really hard on the day to welcome, to assist, and to enter on her lap top every present I got and who it was from. I am going to print out pictures of the boys to go with the thank yous.  Well, my sister is going to do it for me, I think I'll have my hands full :)

It was quite a big party, alot bigger than your average Baby shower.  I never had a Thirtieth, and as I thought about who I wanted to invite, it was pretty extensive.  I wanted extended family (although when my Aunt pulled me aside for the 10th time to tell me advice about something, and then proceeded to tell Earl's cousin her baby wasn't dressed warm enough- I had my misgivings ;P), I wanted old friends and I wanted new friends.  I was really happy to be with so many different friends.  One of my good friends couldn't come because she was flying interstate that day, but she made me this cake.  Isn't it fabulous.  The animals (and Noah) aren't icing, they are toys for the boys :)
I love how loved our boys are already.  Everyone was so excited, and we now have so many things.  There is still a bit of purchasing to do, but my hospital bag won't take much more to pack, there are cloths that cover the next year and a bit, and I have enough wraps and bibs for two!
When I walked out the door I said to Earl  "I'm pregnant, with twins, on my way to my baby shower."  It's just one of our now almost daily amazed conversations.  How can we be here?
Tomorrow is another scan.  I admit, despite a day of enthusiastic kicking, I still get nervous.  Keep cooking my darling little men!

Friday, March 22, 2013

28weeks, time for a Happy dance!

28 weeks! I can hardly believe it. Only ten weeks to go max. It feels so close. And some of you might remember, 28 weeks was the Mark our doctor gave us for Dancers adjusted viability. So it seems extra special that he's made it this far. Of course, now our expectations have changed and we want them in for the ten weeks. But my anxiety levels have dropped and I'm really, truly believing that I will have two precious bubs to hold soon.

This week , despite the stress of Sunday, has rocked.

Some highlights:
-cots ordered and paid for
-pram chosen
-helpful antenatal classes
-work beginning to wrap up
-both Earl and I growing in our excitement
-my pre-scan happiness returning
-an awesome time away with my sister and Mum
-baby capsule (I'm renting) confirmed, to be delivered on my birthday!

Today is my baby shower and I am so excited!

On to the update

How far along: 28 weeks, one day

Weight: 81.5 on the hospital scans, which I will use as a gauge from now on. That means about 12kg gained, and 2kgs in three weeks which is right on track.

Bump: Earl said to me the other day, pregnancy just suits you, which is just lovely to hear when your wondering if your still attractive to your man! Dancer is lying traverse just above my belly button, giving me a pointy bump! Still get the whole "your not very big for twins"! I feel huge though!

Movement: I describe BHs kicks like someone playing a timpani inside my belly, where as as Dancer is more like a fox darting about. They both move every day and it's such a comfort.

Mobility: bending down is hard and I really need some slip on shoes now that the weather is colder. Going to try to shave my legs today which should be interesting! Earl politely suggested I do something about my "snail trail" but I said he'd have to pluck it himself coz I just can't see it!

Sleep: good, though hanging out for maternity leave (in a week!) so I can have a nap every day!

GD: a few hypos but overall great. My physician was so pleased she's moved to seeing me once every four weeks.  Sick of packing snacks but I guess it's good practice for a few years time.

Food: loving dairy right now!

Names: doc we saw yesterday said he is very confident that BH will be born first. Which is bad because that means we might have names for each boy. I've even slipped up and called them their names in my head. But have to keep it a secret a bit longer. Incidentally, I will put their names on this blog, at least temporarily. I want all of you who have ridden this ride to at least get some photos and their names!

Baby shower wrap coming soon!

Love LG

Monday, March 18, 2013

Much to say

Best laid plans...

I was away until Saturday night, so I already knew we were looking at a late update for 27 weeks. And even though I am normally wreaked on Sunday night, after two days away, and someone teaching my Sunday school class, I thought I would be up to it.

Best laid plans?

About 10minutes before we were set to head for church, I got sudden chest pain. It was accompanied by happy boy kicks, so I wasn't worried about the kids, but had no idea what it was or what to do.  And it didn't go away. I called a pregnancy hotline, and the lady said though it didn't sound like an emergency, I better go to hospital and check it out.

So, a rather worried Earl went to church, and Mum picked me up and I . Was off to maternity emergency yet again.

The pain was dull, and across my whole chest. There was no pattern, sometime sitting helped, sometimes lying was better, nothing was comfortable.

The nurse gave me antacid just in case it was heart burn, and a ECG scan just in case it was a heart attack. After my initial worries faded, I had no trouble breathing, so we ruled out the lungs. My Dad came and joined us, then Earl. I felt embarrassed by the circus, but very loved.

My blood pressure was normal, and my engagement ring still fit on my finger, so I very happily ruled out pre eclampsia.

And my mum got to hear the babies heart beats, so that was special.

In the end? The doc ruled it muscular skeletal, probably just high babies putting sudden pressure on my expanding ribs. She had no thoughts of how long it might last.  i got the vibe its just a cost of multiples.  I was relieved but worried about what this pain meant.

That night the pain was worse. And I cried to God and the babies, I was happy to be in pain for 10 weeks if it meant my boys were okay, but that didn't mean it didn't make me very upset.

About midnight the pain disappeared.

The next day I felt better than I had for weeks. I don't know why, perhaps it was just the contrast. I'm still nervous the pain will come back, but I am relishing every moment of pain free activity!

So, no update this week. Next week will be a huge one, with my weekend away, baby shower, and more antenatal class to report on. But I find a trip to the emergency room makes a long enough post.

And the triage nurse recognised me! Good grief!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Quick update

I'm heading away bright and early tomorrow, but I thought I'd say quickly we had another good scan. Dancer is.  20-25th percentile and BH is living up to his name, now up to 75! But doc was happy. So much I could say about this week but no time, but lets leave it with the fact that my boys healthy-the only highlight a week needs!

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Unfounded In Law fears

I've been meaning to write this post for ages. Well, since its a public holiday, and I am just up from an arvo nap, but hiding out of the unseasonably warm March heat in our air-conned bedroom, this seems as good a time as any to write it.

As many of my long term readers would know, in mid 2011, three days after Thumpers due date, my sister-in-law called us up to tell us she was pregnant. It was probably one of the hardest moments of our infertility struggle, after Thumpers death of course.  Partly it was shock, SIL had given the impression she was going back to Uni, her hubby was studying, and as I would learn later, nephew wasn't actually planned.  But the biggest issue was I thought I'd be first. First Grandchild on both sides. So many images I had of being pregnant rested on that fact.  And fears began to surface then, that my baby wouldn't be as important to Earl's family as hers because mine wasn't the first.

After a few weeks, I began to feel silly about this. Of course they would love  my kids just the same. But I made the mistake of talking to my BFF about it, who was trying to get pregnant at the time. Now, as a way of explanation, my BFF has a complicated, somewhat unhealthy relationship with her parents, partly wrapped up in her feeling that her sister is more loved than her. I should have realised she wasn't the best person to talk with about it. But after I told her my fears and how silly they were, she said " No, there is something special about the first Grandchild." She gave the example of how her parents would never have dreamed of being away when her sisters first baby was born, but had informed her that they had a trip to Europe planned and wouldn't change it if she got pregnant. (On a side note, they make me so mad! Fancy saying that to your daughter, even before you knew if it would happen).  Well, despite latter realising that it was easier for my insecure friend to believe that a first grand children are special than that she wasn't as important as her sister, her words stuck with me and my insecurities grew.

The final nail in the coffin was my sister-in-law and brother-in-law moving in with Earl's parents. That was it I thought. They would see him every day. He was the favourite, that was just how it would be. And my sister in law, who I thought would have been so excited about being an Aunty, would be too busy with her own to care.

Earl thought the whole thing ridiculous, and even got a bit angry "my family don't play favourites, don't make it a competition!"

Fast forward to now?

My fears are completely unfounded.

True, my father in law has a special bond with nephew. How could he not? He is not an emotional man, but he's great with kids, and I love seeing that side of him. He may not have as many opportunities to bond with my boys but he will love them in ways I couldn't even picture before.

My mother in law is so relieved and excited that we are pregnant. And she is so sensitive and caring, she goes out of her way to show me how she will love our boys the same as nephew. She even quit one part time job so she could have a day a week set aside for helping me with the boys. And while she might have one Grandson living with her, she has so many ideas and dreams about the boys all playing at her house. In fact, my sister in law said, Earl's Mum doesn't want to tread on my toes, but she is so keen to help and be involved, so as long as I'm clear I need the help, she will come over all the time.

And Sister in Law. Not excited about my babies?

I couldn't be more wrong. Besides my Dad, no one is more visibly excited. She is more excited than she would have been  without a son. Because now the boys are cousins and I am a fellow Mum.  She is so excited about the future fun we will have, and the relationships in the two families. She was close to her cousins, and she wants that for our boys.

So my fears were unfounded. And I'm reminded that sometimes when things don't turn out like you plan, they can sometimes be better.

Friday, March 8, 2013

26 weeks

Yesterday was ticker day. As of today I am 26 weeks and it is a lovely feeling. Babies are both kicking away and I'm actually looking forward to Wednesdays scan. In fact, there is lots to look forward to this week.

Monday is a public holiday, and we'll be hanging out with friends for a picnic lunch.

Wednesday before the scan my Nan and my Dad will take me shopping so Nan can buy the boys their first cot.

Wednesday night we have our twins specific antenatal class

And Thursday I'm off on a two day holiday with my Mum and Sister. We are having a pampering weekend at a spa which has special packages for pregnant women. And as Mum is organising, it will be amazing, me friendly food :)


Pregnant: 26 weeks and one day

Weight: I don't think to weigh myself. But I'm not too worried

Movement: so much more consistent, which is a great blessing given how reassured it makes me feel :)

Physically: getting less mobile, and I feel a bit whalish getting out of bed or off a seat. I'm getting quite achy and I made the call today to put my rings on a necklace.  Glad I have skinny ankles and wrists, so my puffy feet look pretty normal now.

Work: I love my job, but I am feeling ready to finish. It takes so little to tire me out.

Belly: navel is holding out, but I often feel great pressure

Mood: much better this week. Getting back to usual happy self, and dealing with anxiety better.

GD: Managed well, but I'm over it. Not because I'm craving sweets, just because it is a lot of work.  I'm sick of having so many things to take into account.

Overall a great week. And every week the weight lifts a little as my boys approach safer and safer territory.


Wednesday, March 6, 2013

The strong one?

I had my appointment with the mental health doctor on Monday.

Originally it was booked after our horror 21 week scan.  But I didn't feel up to cancelling it, because I didn't know what would happen and I knew deep down that I was struggling.

I've been so anxious about this pregnancy, and just feeling overwhelmed.

And I hate it.

Because I'm supposed to be strong.

I've done 3 years of IVF. And most of those years I've worked with children and mums. I've gone to work the day after BFNs. My counsellor has always praised me for my strength.

And here I was. So incredibly blessed with two little babies who are doing well and I'm overwhelmed with anxiety.

And to add to that, anxiety that might effect the babes. So that makes me anxious more.

The appointment was good. We talked through some techniques to helping with anxiety. I'm going to try to up my exercise again, to sleep more, and to watch my bodies reactions and calm myself down.

But the two most helpful things?

First, she said "remind yourself these feelings will pass". Yesterday BH was surprisingly still. And as anxiety rose I said to myself: this will pass, it always does. And I calmed down. And eventually BH was his usual kicky self.

The second thing? She said my anxiety was completely normal. "Anyone who has been through what you've been through would feel the same."

With that comment, some of the guilt went away. Yes, I was anxious. But after 6 years if, a nine week miscarriage and a horror scan , it was normal. It's not that I'm weak or a unloving mother.

I'm just human.

I have so much to learn.