"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Counting down to scan number 2

Sometimes, time just flows like glass. And sometimes it just runs away.

With Thumper, the count down through the weeks was torture. I still look back and think its impossible that knowing he was there to loosing him was only 5 weeks!

But time is flying now. I can't believe that the next scan is happening in 2 days, at 8 weeks!

My feelings fluctuate. Symptoms are there, morning sickness is here to stay and it's pretty overwhelming.  I've been getting lots of aches and cramping, and even though I know that can just be settling in, I panic every time. Hormones are raging too, so sometimes I'm positive and bright, other times I'm morbid and depressed. The bleed still scares me, though we can't know our bleed with thumper came when he died, I've always thought this was the case. But the bleed was so long ago and I feel so pregnant.

In two days time, we will know if I am still carrying twins. I've started thinking of them as Aby and Bebe (Bebe being baby B). I want them both badly.

But there has been some funny stuff.

My work involves Uni students, and as they are all off campus at present, we've been having staff meetings at different people's houses.  Last week, one of the hosts made sandwiches, packed with processed no no for pregnancy meat.  I did my best to push the meat to the edge of the sandwich as I ate, took the plate with me to the kitchen, then dumped the meat in the bin, feeling very suspicious and nervous as I did. The next week we were going some where where I knew there were sandwiches again. So I made a plan to say at the end of the meeting, I need to go, I can't have lunch. But sandwiches came out half way through. I ended up saying I had to leave early. I'm sure no one cared or noticed but I felt pretty stupid, leaving a staff meeting early, just so I didn't have to say no to sandwiches and let everyone know I was pregnant.

And in the following week we are having people stay on Saturday, I'm staying with a friend on Tuesday. The following week I'm going away with my staff team, where I won't be able to sneak off to avoid lunch!  And in week 11 I will be heading off for 5 days with a bunch of Uni students, staying together and coordinating a mission trip. I have no idea how this is all going to work, if I'm vomiting every morning and not eating any processed meat.

But as Earl keeps saying- best case scenario is that all this happens. And what a glorious problem to have. It all comes down to Friday.

Praying for two little heart-beats!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Nurses call and the first vomit

Charming title right?

The nurse called back, and I'm feeling so much better.  She really isn't worried.  She told me to take it easy, monitor, and she gave me a number to call if I want to get a scan or I have anymore symptoms. 

But she said its normal and it didn't sound bad to her.  There has been no more bleeding and no more symptoms.  I am still super cautious about the pregnancy, but not quite a scared that it is all over.  We are planning to just stick with our scan next week, and if we get too worried we can try to move it forward.

I also had the first vomit of the pregnancy, which was yuck for me but I think good timing for Earl.  You see, for him, I can say that I feel yuck, but its not as obvious to him.  When I was chucking (sorry TMI) he called out "You poor thing" but I could tell from his voice THAT HE WAS SMILING!  When I called him on it he didn't deny it.  You see, for him VOMIT=PREGNANT.  So he at least is in a good mood, and that can't be a bad thing.

So all in all, I'm feeling alot better. I am not the happy "I can't believe I'm pregnant" Lady of yesterday, but I'm okay.  And, I'm pretty sure I'm still pregnant.


Waiting for silly nurses to call and thinking about twin #2

Suprisingly I was able to sleep last night.  Partly it was Earl, constantly reading out quotes about how small bleeding is no big deal, partly I was just exhausted.  I woke in the night, knowing I needed my middle of the night pee, but scared to go.  Eventually I did.  There was no bleeding, and there has been no bleeding since.

So its hard to know how to think about it.  I rang the nurses this morning and left a message, and am still waiting for their call back.  Why is it that when you really want to talk to them, they are always busy?

The hardest thing with this is to know what to hope for. 

I mean, obviously what I am hoping for is that it is just a bit of cervical irratation bleeding and nothing more.  Obviously I am hoping that both babies are still growing.

But there is a little part of me that wonders about vanishing twin syndrome, and whether this bleeding is just twin #2 last horrah. 

And I don't know how to feel about that.  If twin #2 is alive then I want him/her to live!  I love both my babies.  But if twin #2 has already stopped growing, then this bleeding might but be a sign of that, and baby #1 is fine and I am still completely pregnant.  And that is a comforting thought, but I feel guilty about it.

It's just a weird scenario.  To know that you are definitely pregnant with one baby, but to not know about the other.  And so, besides praying for #2, I don't know how to think about him.

And its so hard, because we were starting to process that we might not have genetic children.  And then this pregnancy happens and we realise how much we want this.  And not just this, not just being pregnant, but being pregnant and having these babies.  We are attached.  And it is not okay if this doesn't work.  It can't be okay.

My guess is that I'm still pregnant with at least one baby and everything is fine.  But yesterday if you'd asked me honesty I would have told you I was super confident about this pregnancy working out.  Now I'm not.  This is just a reminder that things can and do go wrong.  I feel like my symptoms (which are still around btw) have lulled me into a false sense of security.  But this bleed has reminded me that there are no guarantees.  6 week heart beat does not equal baby.

7 weeks today.


Hi Friends.  I'm probably being paranoid, but I had the tiniest little bleed tonight and I am a bit scared.  Please pray for us and our babies.
Tomorrow I will ring the clinic and see what they say.  Earl is madly googling and comforting himself with all the things about bleeding being normal in early pregnancy.  But it's still scary.
Please pray.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Symptoms and Secrets

Thanks for your lovely support and prayers.  Still on a bit of a high after yesterday.  Again, I know that heart beat doesn't equal baby, but it is still a wonderful step in the right direction.  And I am feeling so very pregnant at the moment.

Symptoms are ramping up.  Larger than normal bre$ts have been going along for a while, but I think last night they took another gigantic leap forward.  I'm only just fitting into my stretchy, normal sized bra.  I suspect if I was to get a new one now it would be at least one size bigger.

I also have a belly.  It's really weird.  Its not hard, it's all blubber, but its bigger than it was before the transfer, and after a big meal its pretty substantial.  I suspect at this stage it is just bloating.  Plus, I'm less likely to suck in my gut, so my default is more "belly" than normal".  Still not noticeable to anyone but Earl and I.  But to us it's hilariously obvious.  I'm a little self-conscious of it (because I'm not suppose to be showing yet and it makes me worry about my weight), but also a little proud too, because it makes me feel so very pregnant.  And I'm keeping up exercise and not eating junk so I don't really have a reason to worry.

I am getting up in the night to pee at least once, and I am very tired.  At the moment I am really enjoying my more flexible timetable and having afternoon naps.  They are so good.  It was funny, when I refilled my script for steroids (Doc wants me to stay on all my drugs until we at least pass 9 weeks), the lady told me to have it in the morning.  I told her I've been having it with lunch.  She said 'It can cause people to have trouble sleeping, have you had trouble sleeping?".  I almost laughed at all.  Not only have I been tired all the time, I've also been sleeping straight after I take it, after lunch.  And struggling to get up afterwards!

And the nausea.  I haven't vomited yet, though I have gotten closer.  Actually, it's been kinda funny.  There is a pattern.  Wake up in the morning a little nausea.  Eat to keep it at bay.   Feel better for about 5 minutes.  Then feel worse.  Feel worse for a few hours.  Eat a snack.  Feel better for about an hour.  Then feel bad, and feel progressively worse as lunch approaches (as well as hungry).  Eat lunch.  Feel better provided I don't eat too much.  At about 4pm (now!) start to feel a bit hungry.  Have a snack.  Continue to feel just okay.  Feel worse and worse.  Eat dinner.  Feel good for about five minutes, then feel yuck.  Feel yuck and tired.  Go to bed.

And this is only when I eat things I like.  If I eat anything I don't feel like, then the yuck just continues on.

But of course, as I said to Earl- if your going to be sick, have a lovely reason.  And the reason is so lovely that all of these symptoms are so very, very worth it.

One of the things that I find really interesting about this whole thing is that most people whose blog I've read (either from the past or right now) who have had their BFP are already telling at least some people.  It makes me feel like a bit of a weirdo.  Now, I'm sure if it were only up to me, or if Earl didn't care, we would have told a few people.  But I also don't feel any resentment for his position.

Basically this is how Earl feels.

He is so very excited to tell my parents. I've spoke about them before, but my parents are people who just adore kids, and my Dad particularly adores babies.  They are wonderful people and will make just the most amazing, involved Grandparents you can imagine.  And Earl had said (Early on in the trying process) that he wanted to be the ones to tell them.  It would make them so happy, and Earl loves the idea of being the one to break that news to them.  And I really like the idea of them hearing from him too.

But after all we've been through, and particularly with Thumper, this dream of happy news is really important to us.  We want it to be happy.  And we don't want them to be happy, and then rocked by a miscarriage   .  Of course if we miscarry we will tell them.  But having gone through the joy/pain cycle ourselves, Earl really wants that moment of telling them good news to say good.

And I don't want to tell anyone before my parents.

Hence waiting to 12 weeks.

In some ways its crazy- it's such a long time to keep the secret.  And my Mum has specifically told me that she want to know before 12 weeks, so she can support us through the wait.  But I feel in this situation, I really want to go with Earl's preference rather than hers.  She will be happy regardless.  And as hard as it is to be subtle (and this will only increase with the nausea), there is actually something really special about having this special secret with Earl.  God willing, if everything continues to go well, we will tell, and we will love telling and love people knowing.  But for today, I am willing to keep it a secret for Earl.  And kind of enjoying it in a weird way.

But it is nice to be able to share it with you.
Continuing to pray for all of you.  It's so strange.  So many of you have been where I am now, and sometimes I found it encouraging, sometimes hard.  I know this can be hard.  I'm continuing to pray.  Thanks for sticking by me.
Love LG

Monday, October 22, 2012

Heart Beat

We have a heart-beat.

It was one of the most stressful mornings I've ever had.  Even though I'd been relatively positive up to that point, I woke in the middle of the night and I was completely convinced that we would have bad news.  I slept fitfully, with lots of dreams about the scan.  Strangely, every dream ended in a heart beat, but then I also had scenarios of people force feeding me soft cheese or friends (who came to the scan for some unknown reason) telling everyone we were pregnant before we were ready.

The moment we walked into the room the doctor took a look at our faces and said "You aren't getting your hopes up, are you?  Your been here before".  He sent me straight into the room to get changed.  I looked away from the screen, then peeked.  There was a sack.  There was a shape.  The screen was smaller than the one with Thumper, so I couldn't see the heart beat as clearly but it was there.  And not only that, but the baby was right on schedual in terms of size, which Thumper was not.  Earl and I kept waiting for bad news but it didn't come.  We had a living little person!

Then the doctor said "There is something a bit strange".  Earl and I snapped our faces back towards him and he corrected... "Not strange, just, there's another sack".

I don't know why I didn't notice it before, but he was right.  It was a third of the size of the main one.

"But it's empty?" I asked

"No, it's not empty" he replied

It turns out there is a second sack and a second embryo.  The second embryo is quite small, measuring I would guess at five weeks, with no heart beat.  The doctor said that it most likely that this baby stopped growing.  But he also said he had seen this scenario before where the second twin caught up.  So in many ways it feels like it did when they defrosted, like it did when we got our reasonably high number.  We are probably just having one baby, but there is still a small chance of two.  And we are praying that they both make it.  Doc is having us back at 8 weeks to see how twin #2 is progressing.

So, all in all, its hard to imagine things going better today.  I am so grateful.  Again, trying not to get excited, and Earl is still making the call that we keep all quiet until 12 weeks.  And I'm starting to feel better and better about that.

And our picture of Thumper now has a friend!
Thanks so much for all your prayers.  We are not out of the woods yet, and won't feel "safe" until 12 weeks. But today was definitely a day of good news.
Love LG

Scan tomorrow

In less than 12 hours I am having our first U/S of the pregnancy, to check for position and heart beat.

I am a little bit excited and alot scared.

Please pray.
Love LG

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Six weeks and a foot in both camps

Well, after a frustratingly long wait, the doc got back to me with results. She didn't give me numbers, but she said everything was fine except that my vitamin D level are extremely low. So it's another supplement to add to my collection. But I was of course greatly relieved, and amazed that soon the hospital will ring me with my first appointment date.

I also had a small burst of nausea yesterday.

Earl said yesterday, every day that goes by this pregnancy seems hard and harder to think about loosing. Even though we try to be cautious.

I feel a bit "foot in both camps". I am pregnant. I'm one of "those" people. And yet with my uncertainty and fear and background, I also feel very much in the infertile camp. I am still hiding belly shots and stupid comments on Facebook! I don't feel out of the trenches yet.

But I am starting to feel a little bit hopeful about good news on Tuesday. I don't think I will ever go into an ultrasound excited, because of our shock loss of Thumper, but I feel like there is a good chance of good news. And that still seems amazing to me.

Today is the thanksgiving service for my Pa.

four days until scan.  6 weeks today.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Can't think of a good title, so this is just my random ramblings of a crazy nervous waiting women

I would love to say that my nerves have settled down, but I don't know if that is possible.

Yesterday I was in tears as I went to the bathroom, because I was so sure I would find bleeding.  Why?  No idea, and I didn't.  But every so often the fear just rises up and I think "It's going to be now, it's going to be now". 

It's funny, I'm been entertaining myself this week by looking up pregnancy things.  Maternity dresses, week by weeks.  But I realised that I hadn't looked at all at anything baby related.  Its almost as if I can get excited about being pregnant, and even being heavily pregnant, but the idea of having a baby just still seems so impossibly far away. 

I've also been reading through many of you IF mamma's blogs, at your stories of your first 12 weeks.  That has been by far the most comforting thing.  Because you were all where I was and it still happened.  Some of you had even had miscarriages, and now you have babies.  That fact, that I could loose Thumper, get pregnant, and then have the baby live feels like a dream that can't come true.  But it can and it has for some, so maybe for me.

Yesterday Earl and I were in a cafe and I said, "I should make an appointment to see a local doctor".  Partly because that's what I knew normal people were supposed to do when they became pregnant, partly because I can't talk to anyone right now about pregnancy and I have no idea what I am doing.  Boy I now wish I grilled my bff more on where she brought her maternity bras and whether she was happy with our local hospital!  Now I can't without raising suspicion!  So I called the doc and...she only had an appointment that day.  And I got freaked out.  I wasn't ready to see a doctor.  We haven't seen the heart-beat.  And most of all, she's going to take a beta and I'm scared about what it would say.

She was wonderfully reassuring.  She said 5 weeks was not unsubstantial and my mega boobs were a good sign (they go away pretty quickly she said if you are loosing the baby).  So of course I've spent the last 24 hours staring down my cleavage- very glad that they are still there.  Still no nausea, but I'm tired, big boobed and peeing all the time, so I think I need to be okay with that at the moment.

Doc said she would call me back with the blood results at some stage "in the next few days".  She will let me know if I need vitamin D (she almost guarantees it, its a real problem for women in my city at the moment after such an overcast winter), and take my hospital preference so she can make a referral.  It's so very scary.  She could be calling about beta going down, or she could be calling about which hospital I'd like.  How does one wait for a phone call like that?

As for time, it is moving fast and slow, depending on how you think about it.  Earl couldn't believe it wasn't six weeks yet, but then he also can't believe that the scan is only a week away.  We keep planning things for that day and then cancelling them, not sure what will happen, not sure how much strength we will have.

Oh, and I'm still on all my meds, the doctor will talk more about it at our scan.  The only med I'm on at the moment which is different than normal is a steroid my doctor prescribed because "It won't hurt, and it might help".  Earl thinks it's why we are pregnant.  I don't know- but I am definitely still taking it until the doctor says to stop.


Friday, October 12, 2012

5 weeks and working out how to wait

This week has been a big one.

Last Thursday morning, painlessly in his sleep, with his four much loved step sons and his wife at his side, my Pa went to be with Jesus.  It has been a big emotional week.  I love him so much, I'm so sad to say goodbye, I'm glad he is out of pain.  And its such a strange time to loose a relative that I love.  I'm sad that I didn't get to share with Pa the good news of the BFP.  But I feel like he knows now.  And he is with Thumper.

But what an emotional week it has been.

The waiting is so hard.  My symptoms are simple.  Large tender bre$ts and bloating and little twinges.  I haven't had any nausea.  Though I know its silly I just want some nausea.  Some kind of proof.  Because we are still 10 days away from our heart-beat scan.  Of course, I know that the best proof that I am still pregnant is that my period hasn't come.  But...its all so unreal and unexpected I find it hard to believe that wonderful phone call on Monday really happened.

Earl is funny.  Sometimes he is funny and excited, calling out "Is that Lady and my baby, coming through the door".  Sometimes he worries about the lack of nausea.  At a fancy restaurant where we had tea he explained when asking about the menu "My wife might be pregnant", rather than "my wife is pregnant".  And he says what we both feel at times, that this news, that life at the moment seems to good to be true, that something must go wrong.  That is how we are at the moment.  Walking on egg shells.  We have always had our IF "happy endings" ruined.  What about this one?  I find myself constantly talking about the baby, constantly assuring him that it is right to be excited, because maybe if I can convince him I can convince myself.

And I still don't know when and if we will tell anyone.  Earl is so excited about telling my parents we are pregnant, and it being good news that lasts, that this means waiting a long time to tell.  The only thing that might bring it forward is that Earl's parents are going to be overseas at the start of next month, until after the 12 week mark.  So I might be able to convince him to tell our parents around then, so that at least we can tell his folks in person before they go.

The sad/funny thing is, is that I can't imagine Mum and Dad not asking me directly this week how things are going, except that with Pa's death there has been much too much to talk about and to deal with, that I think it might just have slipped their minds!

And so how to I wait?  I have big afternoon naps.  I work, I walk, I clean.  I wait.

Oh, and I am 5 weeks.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Sinking in

I guess it's fair to say that the news has sunken in. And with it has come the fear.

Monday was my happy day. It just so happened that Earl and I needed to go shopping for present for our friends new baby, so I walked around the shop gleefully like a typical fertile  myrtle going gaga over all the little socks. I was so blissfully happy. I knew in my head that pregnancy doesn't equal baby but the BFP was such an amazing gift that I just basked in it for a day.

Now the happiness is muted and sprinkled with fear.

Not that anything has happened to suggest I'm not pregnant. I'm just realistic and scarred.

And that's okay. It's okay to be happy and it's okay to be afraid. I don't think fear will loose me this baby and I don't think happiness will make a miscarriage any harder.

I was talking to my boss about next year. I didn't say anything of course, but was weird to know how to think.  With thumper I was already thinking contingency plans. This time I will just talk and plan as if next year is going as we all thought it would.  And any changes can be figured out if I reach that magical 2nd trimester.

I have a two week wait until my scan.  The clinic sent me there "positive pregnancy" booklet. I gloated and grinned as I opened it but it wasn't great reading. Everything that could've go wrong was listed in that book along with the words "even a high beta can still have this result". :(

So anyway, here I am.  Pregnant.  Scared.  Happy.  Flooded with memories of loosing thumper.  I don't know what will happen, and have no control.

But I'm still very very thankful.
Ps thanks for all your congrats and well wishes, since I can't share in real life it is great to share with you all.

Sunday, October 7, 2012


I'm pregnant.

I can hardly believe it.  I could tell the moment I answered the phone, Karen the nurses sounded so happy.  She said the nurses in my team fought over who got to tell me the news.

My result is 305.  This, she said, is a good number.  It's probably not high enough for both embryos to have made it, but it is a very, very good number for one.

Earl is happy but reserved, I think after everything that happened with Thumper, he was always going to be that way.  He will wait until the heart-beat ultra-sound (in two weeks time) before getting really excited.  And he doesn't want to tell anyone before 12 weeks.  I don't know how that will work, with my parents knowing the date of the transfer and paying for our medical expenses.  But we will figure it out.

The nurse herself was very excited, I told her about our previous miscarriage but it didn't seem to dampen her enthusiasm.  And I think I want to take her leave.  I want to enjoy this time.  But I'm also cautious.  My attitude will be this: Every day with this baby is a gift, I will enjoy that gift.  Yes, if it ends it will be a horrible, horrible thing.  But I don't regret Thumper despite the pain and I will never regret this time either- whatever happens.

And I am just so grateful to God for this gift, and for answering a prayer that I thought would never be.

Thanks for all your prayers during this cycle.  I know this news will be happy/hard for many of you, and my heart goes out to you.  You are in my prayers as well.  And if those who are prayers, please keep us and our little one in our prayers.

Still hasn't sunken in yet.
Love LG

Half a hope

I know that there is no gareentee that I am pregnant until and unless I get a positive pregnancy test tomorrow.

I know there is always a chance that the synthetic hormones in my system are the reason that my period hasn't come, despite it being "due" on Friday.

But I also know that there is only one other time (on this medication) that I got this far along without bleeding.  And that was when I was pregnant.

So I am a little excited.  But trying to hold it in.

The funny thing is this week started so badly.  My Pa in hospital, and the one week wait was just begining.  Earl and I prayed to God, we prayed that he would give us good things to get us through this week of pain and waiting and suffering.  And it has been an amazing week in so many non-IF ways.  And despite a million stressful moment fearing the worst, my period hasn't come.

I don't know how I would have got through this weekend if my period had come.  We went to a wedding yesterday, and I was driving the car for the bride and groom.  How could I have coped, doing that, with Earl not around, if I had found out I wasn't pregnant?  Today we had church and we were both very involved.  But still no period.  If I get my period tomorrow, or if I'm not pregnant I will still be very grateful that these last two days were able to be wonderful when they could have been so bad.  It was a really great gift.

But I'm still praying for the greater gift.
Please, Please Father.  BFP?

Thursday, October 4, 2012

No news is not necessarily good news

Here is the great dilemma and drama of the 1 week wait for me.

Because I have this absolutely annoying history of getting early bleeding when I am not pregnant in an IVF cycle (sometimes fresh, sometimes frozen), I spend the one week wait panicking every time I go to the bathroom.  Because I just don't know when AF will arrive.  And every time AF hasn't arrived I am relieved and a little excited, because no AF means I might be pregnant, right?

This is the problem.  When you have a whole week of this stress-to-relief cycle it affects you.  Because every No-AF time feels like a little victory.  And all those little victories add up in my head as evidence to the fact that I might be pregnant.

But no AF at this stage doesn't mean I'm pregnant.  Do you know what it means?  It means that either I am pregnant, or that the medication that they have put me on is working so that I don't bleed.  It is not a positive.  It is a neutral.

But how do you keep that in your head?  I find it really hard.  I know that my period wouldn't be due until tomorrow anyway, even if I didn't have shots last Saturday to keep my levels up.  Yet I'm feeling excited because I'm not bleeding yet, because this could be the one, because as much as I tell myself that all I really know is that AF hasn't arrived, it feels much more powerful and exciting than that.

It's just the drama of this time I guess.

In terms of symptoms it's kinda funny because any symptoms I've had I've had since before the transfer!  Because my clinic is putting me on synthetic shots of pregnancy hormone to keep my lining strong- I've actually been bloated and a tiny bit nausea all week :)  And it is hard to know if what I am experiencing is still there because I'm pregnant or just because the hormones haven't worn off yet.  And the lady at the clinic warned me that there is no guarantee that the hormones will have totally run out before the beta- hence the possibility that I might have symptoms and no AF until Monday, when the Beta lets me know once and for all.

And of course, there is also the ridiculous problem that I am actually a total hypochondriac and have been known to vomit when I think I'm pregnant when actually I'm not.

So i guess the moral of this rambly post is that there is no way I can know if I am pregnant except by taking the beta.  Which is four days away.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

The Emotional exhaustion of the 2ww

All I want to do is sleep and sleep and sleep.

There is a tiny little part of me that hopes that my tiredness this week has to do with maybe a little embryo or two nestling inside of me.  But there is a much more simple explanation.  It took me a long time to realise just how much emotions effect you physically.  And it's a big week, and the affect on me is not just emotional but is felt all through my body.

My Pa is in hospital with cancer, and we have been told to "make the most of the time we have left".  It is smack bang in the middle of the one week wait, and all the emotional ups and downs that are associated with that.  And its been a little bit of a tough week for Earl and work as well. 

All this just means I am a very erratically functioning Lady Grey.  I function okay when people are around, but when I am on my own and I have work to do, I just don't seem to be able to do it.  And I'm constantly thinking ahead to "What if I find out I'm not pregnant on Xday?".  What would that mean for work, what would that mean for the wedding we are going to on Saturday, what would that mean for Sunday School, what would that mean...and the list goes on.  And I know that the most sensible thing in the world is to get as much work as I can now, because I just don't know what is going to happen tomorrow.  But I'm tired..

But maybe I just need to cut myself a break.  This week is a hard week.  I just need to accept that and slack off :)

Monday, October 1, 2012

1 week (if I'm lucky) wait

Oh I hate this bit. We have officially hit the one week wait. This time next week I will know. Though with my record, the odds of making it to the beta without a bleed are reasonably thin if I'm not pregnant.

Oh I want to be pregnant!