"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

a year ago...

A year ago today I went through a medical procedure known as an embryo transfer.  Two embabies, one blast, one murula were placed inside me. Nothing seemed different than our smany others.  But it was different.  It was Connor and Sebastian and these embabies stayed.

I still have to pinch myself.

Can they really be mine?

Tomorrow is Sebbie's Hernia op. Id appreciate prayer.


Saturday, September 21, 2013

The five minute break

I've been thinking about advice iv been given.

I ll share more in future poss but there is one piece that stands above the rest. I can't remember if I heard it from a nurse first,  but I definitely read it in a pamphlet on how to avoid post natal depression.

If you are feeling so overwhelmed with emotions that you start to feel angry at your baby,  then put your baby somewhere safe, leave the room and have a five minute break.

Most of that time the safe place was Earl's arms (I may or may not have said "tag your it"). Once it was the cot, I left my crying baby in his cot and left the room.  Because the house is tiny I could still hear crying so I would have a five minute shower so I could not hear any cries.

At the moments I always felt like a failure.  But five minutes later I would return to my boys a new Mum. No longer were they little beings that hated me but they were my boys who needed me and cried because that's all they knew.

Showers were so precious.  They were my only real break.  Other times I could be intrupted by cries or an apologetic Earl "I think he's still hungry. "

So as strange as it sounds,  my best advice for mums is to have a break when your not coping.  Because as my Nan said to my Dad when I was his little Sebastian- no babyever died from crying.


Thursday, September 19, 2013

My contrary boy!

Sebastian has a very needy boy of late

I dont know if it's a bad habit from too much time with my parents who are very keen to cuddle if he looks even slightly grumpy,  but the last two days he's been unhappy unless he is cuddled, and even sometimes when he is.  Very exhausting when you have another boy who needs you too. Im grateful that Connor can play on his mat happily,  provided that I am talking to him,  smiling lots and occasionally touching him.

Sebastian is such a charmer.  Whike Connor smiles more,  and they are wide,  he smiles everywhere and not so much at people.  So much so that we were worried about his sight for a while.  But Sebastian stares right in your eye, so you feel like you are his world.  It's pretty gorgeous, and it makes me very tolerant.

Any way,  unrelated to this,  Sebbie has been diagnosed with a hernia and needs an op. Its retractable now but needs to be sorted so it doesn't harm his teste5 long term.

The surgeon was late and Sebbie was grumpy. But when he saw her he smiled.  She wanted to get him to strain so that the hernia would pop out,  and tried to make him cry. He wouldn't!  She striped him naked. Nothing.  She tapped on his tummy.  Nothing.  She dangled him in the air.  He smiled.  She even resorted to dripping cold water on his tummy.

Earl and I laughed and laughed. Our contrary boy.

Earl said "he's got three people staring at him;  of course he's happy.  An extravert, just like his Mum! "

Sebastian is just like me as a baby. And while ot may be payback for my own contrary childhood,  there is part of me that just loves the fact.


Monday, September 16, 2013

Holidays and why twins are cool

Earl and I just took the boys to Sydney for our first proper holiday since their birth.  I was pretty aprehensive. I knew it could go two ways: disaster or awesome.  My parents were joining us for the weekend,  so I knew we were garenteed some help and rest, but was unsure about the rest.

It was awesome. Sydney is beautiful. I lived there for 4 years and am glad to be home in Melbourne now but I tell you, Sydney is the most gorgeous place to visit.  We stayed at Manly on the ocean,  then a few days near the Harbour.

The boys slept well at night.  The time started off with a marriage retreat,  and the boys cried the whole afternoon.  We looked at each other and said "We made a mistake". But that night the boys did 10 and 9 hours!  And for the rest of our time on our own they were great.

Having Earl around was great.  He saw the boys in their lovely morning play and tag teaming made it feel like a break for me too. And I felt like us again. It's strange, things have been a little strained between Earl and I and is the business of normal life I thought it was Earl'S fault.  But with time to process I realised that I was feeling more sensitive thsn normal and insecure because I was tired.  And that was making me feel needy and upset.  And here I was thinking how well I was dealing with the lack of sleep!

So with that figured out most of the strain was gone and we were able to becour usually happy selves.

We went out for food and visited the zoo. And it was better because the boys were there.

People always act a little sorry for me because I have baby twins.  They assume that twins are all hard. They are hard. But it is also double blessing.  Some things are twice the fun.

That was our holiday.

Twice the fun.