Sorry. Slack isn't even a word for what I am
I am writing again because baby things are happening. Early this month we transfered and yesterday we got a BFP. Of course that was after a fairly skinny positive, so as that is the way Thumper started out, I not sure if I am excited yet.
Going in for number 4 was surreal, and I feel pretty guilty. Even though Earl and I always wanted a stack of kids, it feels greedy and weird as a IF experiencer. We have 4 more embryos two which is an emotional roller-coaster. After two cesareans they won't recommend more than two more. So embryo adopting out might be in our future. I love the idea of helping someone in need, but it is very heart-breaking thinking of my babies being brought up by another family.
The kids are wonderful. Connor is curious a d a big talker. Estelle is clever and cheeky. Seb is affectionate and hilarious.
Seb got diagnosed with ASD last year. There are moments that are overwhelmingly hard and days of great joy and triumph. He is on the high functioning end of the spectrum but I am aware there will be many challenges for him to face. I wish I could take them away. And yet I am learning that different isn't bad.
Earl is going well, though he has his down days. He is such a fun Dad and loves starting to do things with the boys he loved as a kid. We are moving to a bigger house which is a relief.
I am on the second draft of a fantasy novel which is pretty fun. Fiction writing and blogging non anonymously has taken over the role this blog used to play. Seems to be true for many blogs on my feed. But I love occasionally checking in.
I have a book idea related to my IF and pregnancy experience that I am quite excited about. One day I'll get there with it.
My heart grieves for those I know still struggling, IRL and on-line. I don't know understand why things are as they are :(
I am so grateful for this space. I re-read my earlier points when making notes for my book. I don't know how I would have survived without this space and the people it brought me.