"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


Not good.

Bleeding whole weekend.

Beta hcg only gone up by 100 on Monday. ie- a baby is not going to come out of this situation

Beta hcg goes up by 100 again on Wednesday. Fear of Ectopic surfaces

Today- in the clinic for two hours so that I could have an ultra sound that showed nothing. Doubly bad because not only was I have an ultra sound which didn't show a baby but I was to have an ultra sound which didn't show anything- so we still don't know what is going on.

And twice I was asked by staff "So, is this your first IVF transfer".

And how impossible and stupid do I feel to say "No, it's my seventh"

Blood test tomorrow.

Meanwhile I am still stabing myself with Clexan neddles, getting up at 5:30 to put in a pessary, and lying down at 1:30 and 9:30 for an hour for the other pessaries.

It seems like a cruel joke.

I know God is good, but this seems cruel, unjust, and so horrible. I don't understand.

I have never seen my husband so sad. He seems lost and he is so angry at God.

So I don't feel like I can morn properly because I want to be strong for him.

Please God

A break from all the crap?
love Lady Grey

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