Oh, how many posts I have written in my head these last weeks. Many happy posts about how my beautiful boys came into the world, all their cuteness and growth. And this time last week, I thought about writing about my excitement that Connor was coming home, and that Sebastian was doing so well that it seemed certain that he would follow soon.
But then everything went pear-shaped.
In the lead up to the boys birth I read a lot of stories of the NICU world. How many times did I think that we had it so easy? Our boys were doing so well!
Last Thursday night, I was staying in at the hospital, with Connor rooming in so I could get used to caring for him. It was going really well. At 3am the phone in my room rang and I grumbled to myself because I was worried they would wake up Connor and I was really tired.
It was Sebastian. He wasn't well.
Several times Sebastian had been struggling with his feeds. There had been a few scary moments of worrying if he had NEC. NEC is a pretty serious gut problem common in Premmies, and can have life long consequences, and if not caught can be fatal. Every time they were worried they would do an X-ray but it came back normal.
That Thursday it was abnormal.
Earl and I, instead of looking after Connor, found ourselves spending the night petrified for our little Sebie boy.
His blood tests weren't bad, which eased our mind that it probably wasn't NEC. But the doctor did not know what it was. And so that day Sebastian went to the Royal Children's Hospital so that he could be investigated by the top Paediatric surgeons of Australia.
Two days later, Connor came home.
It's been mad.
The good news is that Sebastian does not seem to have any life-affecting bowel issues. We still are investigating possibilities, and Sebastian is only now returning to milk, which means that his return home is even more delayed that we originally thought. But he is well, and the doctors are happy and it is a huge relief. No body that Thursday would have expected such a good outcome on all his tests.
The other good news is that Connor has been a darling. Really, life at home has been a delight. Earl and I are constantly gushing about how beautiful he is, how fun and special. We love him like you wouldn't believe. But it does feel weird, we feel incredibly bonded with Connor, and then we go and have our three hours with Sebastian and it doesn't seem the same. I feel guilty that our boys are so unequally shared between us. We love Sebastian desperately, and we think and pray for him all the time. But it's not the same as being able to love him in person, all day, every day.
It makes us even more desperate to have him home. To have them home, together. To start this life that we are getting glimpses of but that isn't quite real yet.
I will continue with my birth story. I would also love to write a post about each of the boys and what they are like. And I'd love to share about how IF has impacted everything.
But I wanted to update on what has been happening.