BFN

I'm so upset.

I know its not definately the end of things, I know these tests can be wrong, I know it was about my fourth pee of the day so maybe there wasn't much hormone to find. But there was no line. Nothing. Not even a light one.

And then the slightest, pinky/brown spotting.

Why did things look so good to go so bad in a matter of hours.

I'm so sad.
LG

Update: I rang up the fertility clinic. They said if my period doesn't arrive by Monday to come and do a test. The nurse said even if I'm not pregnant they might be able to work out what's going on with such a long cycle

fsldkjfsldkjflskdjf

I feeling so lost.

Been feeling like vomiting but had the tiniest bit of spotting. Freaking out about the results later today. And I have so much to do today, so much pretending to be happy and perfectly fine, as if my world is not potentially about to be smashed.

Honestly, I don't know how I'm going to get through this day.

And whatever happens, tonight is a bucks party Earl is organising, followed by a wedding where he is the best man, followed by birthday celebrations with his sister which will, rightly, be all about the good news of our nephew, and very baby centric. Where we will have to hold it together and not just be okay but happy.

Sigh.

I asked the nurse who took my bloods, "what shall we aim for?". She smiled and said, "Let's go for 500, why not?".

So that's my aim. 500 beta.

She always manages to make me smile even on days like this.
Small mercies.
LG