Five and a half months

Im sitting feeding the Count at 7 in the morning.  It's been a brutal night.  The boys took turns at waking up and needing settling,  and they both needed two feeds.  It's har to believe that a week ago Little Sir got up once and The Count slept through.  Im hoping this is a growth spurt week and not the new normal.

We went to sleep school this week.  It was really helpful.  So we are now in training.  Im trying to teach my  boys to put themselves to sleep.  Basically,  I put them in their cot and walk away. If they cry, I go in and settle them. If they cry again, I settle again. If they get really upset,  I pick them up and settle.  It can take over half an hour to settle just one baby! It's short term pain for the long term gain of having boys who settle themselves.  But it is exhausting.

The boys are deveopmentaly leaping every week  The count is so strong,  he now loves tummy time and standing. He is gripping things and playing with toys.

Little Sir has just learnt to roll back to tummy and now he wont stop. It's hilarious because if I put him on his tummy he rolls back, but if he gets there himself he cries until I turn himover. He loves pulling out his dummy and he is almost managing to put it back in.

They are both laughing and are constantly charming strangers with their smiles. And their parents too!

I love this age but im exhausted. Hopefully soon we'll get their day sleeps sorted so I no longer need a friend to make my naps happen.

Oh, and this week we are trying solids!  So excited!

LG

Remembering

This week has been a week of remembering.

A week ago was the anniversary of our bfp. I was all sent to blog about it. But as I was about to I remembered back to when we were still trying and what it was like reading those posts.  The pain of looking back a year at my initial joy for my friend and realising that a whole year had past without any good news for me. So I couldn't write it.

The web is filled with mentions of loss. Because Australia is ahead of everywhere I forgot and couldn't light a candle. But I am thinking of the little lost ones of many of my friends and of course my dear little Thumpet and his embaby brothers and sisters.

My babies. Lost, but not forgotten and not for good.
Love LG

New names and sleep regression

This blog has always been anonymous.  Not that I have any grand ideas that it's ever going to be read by more than just a handful of people,  but I've tried to keep real names out of things.  But when the boys were born I wanted to share their names because I love them,  and because I see those who do read as a significant part of my story and I feel you all deserve that.  But now that im writing more again I decided it's time for nick names again

At first I wanted tea names, with their real first letters, but the only ones that I could come up with was Spearmint and Camomile which seemed too girly!  So I decided to stick with fancy titles so my boys will be The Count and Little Sir.

Boys are not sleeping well. The Count is struggling with going down at night,  Little Sir with staying down. And they take turns with bad day sleeping.  Im exhausted and discouraged. The Count has had a few nights and one afternoon of melt downs where he is so upset he wont even eat because he is so upset. I have many theories: teething,  sore throat,  over stimulation but of course I can't ask him. It makes me sad because it is so unlike him. Once again it reminds me that so mych of parenting is flying by the seat of your pants.

Please pray for my friend S. She is in the middle of a FET for a second child. Her beta was 50. She doesn't know how to feel,  she is so scared to loose her embabie. Any prayers would be appreciated.

Thanks,
LG

a year ago...

A year ago today I went through a medical procedure known as an embryo transfer.  Two embabies, one blast, one murula were placed inside me. Nothing seemed different than our smany others.  But it was different.  It was C and S and these embabies stayed.

I still have to pinch myself.

Can they really be mine?

Tomorrow is S Hernia op. Id appreciate prayer.

Lg

The five minute break

I've been thinking about advice iv been given.

I ll share more in future poss but there is one piece that stands above the rest. I can't remember if I heard it from a nurse first,  but I definitely read it in a pamphlet on how to avoid post natal depression.

If you are feeling so overwhelmed with emotions that you start to feel angry at your baby,  then put your baby somewhere safe, leave the room and have a five minute break.

Most of that time the safe place was Earl's arms (I may or may not have said "tag your it"). Once it was the cot, I left my crying baby in his cot and left the room.  Because the house is tiny I could still hear crying so I would have a five minute shower so I could not hear any cries.

At the moments I always felt like a failure.  But five minutes later I would return to my boys a new Mum. No longer were they little beings that hated me but they were my boys who needed me and cried because that's all they knew.

Showers were so precious.  They were my only real break.  Other times I could be intrupted by cries or an apologetic Earl "I think he's still hungry. "

So as strange as it sounds,  my best advice for mums is to have a break when your not coping.  Because as my Nan said to my Dad when I was his little S- no babyever died from crying.

LG

My contrary boy!

S has a very needy boy of late

I dont know if it's a bad habit from too much time with my parents who are very keen to cuddle if he looks even slightly grumpy,  but the last two days he's been unhappy unless he is cuddled, and even sometimes when he is.  Very exhausting when you have another boy who needs you too. Im grateful that C can play on his mat happily,  provided that I am talking to him,  smiling lots and occasionally touching him.

S is such a charmer.  Whike C smiles more,  and they are wide,  he smiles everywhere and not so much at people.  So much so that we were worried about his sight for a while.  But S stares right in your eye, so you feel like you are his world.  It's pretty gorgeous, and it makes me very tolerant.

Any way,  unrelated to this,  S has been diagnosed with a hernia and needs an op. Its retractable now but needs to be sorted so it doesn't harm his teste5 long term.

The surgeon was late and S was grumpy. But when he saw her he smiled.  She wanted to get him to strain so that the hernia would pop out,  and tried to make him cry. He wouldn't!  She striped him naked. Nothing.  She tapped on his tummy.  Nothing.  She dangled him in the air.  He smiled.  She even resorted to dripping cold water on his tummy.

Earl and I laughed and laughed. Our contrary boy.

Earl said "he's got three people staring at him;  of course he's happy.  An extravert, just like his Mum! "

S is just like me as a baby. And while ot may be payback for my own contrary childhood,  there is part of me that just loves the fact.

LG

Holidays and why twins are cool

Earl and I just took the boys to Sydney for our first proper holiday since their birth.  I was pretty aprehensive. I knew it could go two ways: disaster or awesome.  My parents were joining us for the weekend,  so I knew we were garenteed some help and rest, but was unsure about the rest.

It was awesome. Sydney is beautiful. I lived there for 4 years and am glad to be home in Melbourne now but I tell you, Sydney is the most gorgeous place to visit.  We stayed at Manly on the ocean,  then a few days near the Harbour.

The boys slept well at night.  The time started off with a marriage retreat,  and the boys cried the whole afternoon.  We looked at each other and said "We made a mistake". But that night the boys did 10 and 9 hours!  And for the rest of our time on our own they were great.

Having Earl around was great.  He saw the boys in their lovely morning play and tag teaming made it feel like a break for me too. And I felt like us again. It's strange, things have been a little strained between Earl and I and is the business of normal life I thought it was Earl'S fault.  But with time to process I realised that I was feeling more sensitive thsn normal and insecure because I was tired.  And that was making me feel needy and upset.  And here I was thinking how well I was dealing with the lack of sleep!

So with that figured out most of the strain was gone and we were able to becour usually happy selves.

We went out for food and visited the zoo. And it was better because the boys were there.

People always act a little sorry for me because I have baby twins.  They assume that twins are all hard. They are hard. But it is also double blessing.  Some things are twice the fun.

That was our holiday.

Twice the fun.

LG