Hope and Heart-ache

Today was a funny old day.

I went for a walk this morning and I dreamed. I dreamed that this cycle- that one of the eggs that are currently growing inside of me- is the one. That it's going to happen. I imagined telling people. I imagined shopping for maternity clothes. I imagined having a baby.

Then I saw my GP. I hadn't seen her for months (she'd been away). I told her about the miscarriage. I told her we were on our four stim cycle.

She looked concerned.

And I wondered if I'm just kidding myself.

Can this ever happen?
love Lady Grey

Friends

Some people can be really insensitive. I read IF blogs and my heart just breaks.

But some people are incredibly sensitive.

Like my friend, who obviously worked hard to think about how she could tell me she was pregnant in her first try of IVF. We both sat in the coffee shop crying- and I knew that she was hurting for me, despite her joy, and I loved her for it.

Or my friend who turned up on my doorstep the same day that my affore-mentioned friend told me she was pregnant, because she knew I was being told that day, and she was worried about me.

Or another friend this week who was also concerned about how I was taking watching my friend growing bigger every day. She wanted to see how I was coping and how she can help.

Some people can be so sensitive and caring.
And just because we tend to focus on the bad and not the good, the horror stories and not the lovely ones- I just wanted to say- some people do everything they can to help you deal with your infertility.
and I love them for it.
love Lady Grey

BFN

Strange how things work.

Before properly starting my stim cycle- five days after I start my first meds, I have a pregnancy test to make sure I'm not "spontaneously pregnant".

And even though I know the result will be negative, even though I hold out very little hope.

It always sucks.

How great to not have to go through another stim cycle.

But even more, how great to have a baby.
love Lady Grey