"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Not what I expected

For Four years I have been picturing this moment. Being pregnant. Finally, finally being off the IF wagon. And though obviously I have been pregnant before, this is different. This is everything looking good. This is hopeful time.

And yet I'm so scared.

Today I was suffering with cramps and pain and I didn't feel sick at all. I wanted to cry. It's over, it's over I cried in my head as I went over and over to the bathroom to check for a period. There was none.

A quick, silly call to the nurse helped with my fears. My ovaries are still overly large. By liaments are stretching, my body is getting ready. This is normal.

There is a little part of me that resents that my misscarriage has made me so paranoid. But I know it's okay. It's okay to just be nervous. I will have time to rejoice at the 6 week scan. I can celebrate at the heart-beat. If it comes.

Please, please, please,
Lady Grey

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