"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Living in a bubble

Earl and I are living in a bubble.

Earl more than me, as he is on holidays so he is literally living in his own little world that I visit when I get home from work. We both feel incredibly lonely- but it's a weird loneliness because as much as we want to see people, we also don't want to see people.

We just don't know how we feel.

I am managing well at work. Really well. I think I have come to terms with the fact that I am a very functional emotional mess. Most of the time, whatever happens, I just do what I need to do. And I'm enjoying the relationships I have there. I am not alone. But I am either on the way to having a baby or a misscariage and I don't know which one it will be and so there is this strange distance between me and everyone except Earl- because they don't know.

I vomited again this morning. The GP assures me that is a good sign. She has given me a plan. This is what you do if Thursday goes well. This is what you do if it doesn't. So helpful. And it means rather than worrying about the future I can just wait. Each day is another gift, another day with our little one. But we want a life-time!
love Lady Grey

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