Sparkle

Well, I'm definately struggling with morning sickness. The dry wretching of previous mornings has been replaced with coughing up stomach acid- gross! And I sit here after my probably too big lunch and hope that it's not going to come up again. When I'm not sick I feel really good about it because I know that it's Thumper making himself known, but when it's happening it's just awful.

We are staying with my Aunt this weekend and I'm horribly afraid my vomiting will give it away. My plan is to get up- go for a walk so I can vomit out of the house. (since its just stomach acid and saliva and water I don't think it's too bad to vomit on the grass somewhere). I just really don't want her to know- partly because it would be hard for Mum's sister to hear before her, and also because she probably won't keep the secret and will end up giving me baby stuff for Christmas! That would give it away much earlier than we were hoping. And as Earl and I discussed yesterday- we have many years ahead of us of getting things that are for our baby not us- we might as well enjoy our last Christmas of being the favourites ;)

I realised today that I've made such a big deal in my head of how everyone is going to react to our news that I might be forcing myself to be disappointed. I'm trying to stop and just relish things for how they are, not how I've imagined them being for four years! But it's very hard. Because though it has been worst for us, it's been hard for our folks too- particularly my parents who've riden the IVF ride with us, and Earl's Dad whose watched his brother get six Grandchildren- Five since we've been trying. We are so excited about making them so happy.

Last night I dreamed I got my period. It was so nighmaric. When I woke up I was just so relieved. I even got up and checked to make sure. But Thumper is still here. I feel good about things. But I still can't wait to get to 12 weeks.
LG