"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

A future I am happy with?

It has been a good week. I feel like celebrating that. There have been a few things that have made it good. Cuddles with my nephew, who grows cuter and more precious to me everyday. I miss him when I don't see him. Speaking of which, I think I'm due for another visit! An overall feeling to the week that the future is good. The future is still very unknown. But with the possibility that we either get pregnant in the next FET or stimulated cycle, and that if we don't we will probably try embryo adoption, those are too futures that I feel very happy about. The stress that has been going on in our life in other areas has lessened slightly. It hasn't gone away, it just feels like things are slowly coming together, like it will all be alright. Allright. I am so used to expecting the worst case scenario, thinking that everything will fail that this strange optimism is really lovely. There is no NIAW in Australia as far as I'm aware. I wish there was. Or rather, the truth is, I wish we were public in our struggle. You see, I wanted to write a post about it here, or on my AWESOME facebook infertility sight, but in someways there is no point. The people who read this get it, or at least they have the empathy and interest to read about IF, which means they aren't the people who need to hear. The people who need to hear are the people we haven't told. I guess I always imagined we would say something about our struggle after we got pregnant. But as that hasn't happened, I'm still wondering if it will ever be on the cards. I might write the post another day anyway. I really want to write about my joint infertility/facebook journey. I would love friends on facebook to understand how I feel when they post things. Not necessarily because they will all change what they do, but just so people have a bit more of a window, and can think before they post. LG Out :)


  1. I am glad you're in a good place. I feel the same way about being "out." I mean, our infertility struggles are in no way a secret - our families and BEST friends know, but acquaintances and friends from the past have no idea, and sometimes I just wish I'd have the guts to do a NIAW post on my Facebook page or something, but it's just so scary. I can't relate to what it's like to be gay, but I can't help but compare it to "coming out of the closet" because of the stigmas and judgment that come along with disclosing such personal information. Sometimes I wish people knew, but most of the time, I don't think that the people that I worry about knowing would be able to relate at all anyway!

    1. Thanks for your comment, and welcome to my blog :) Yes, that is the drama. The insensitive people you want to be more sensitive, but their very insensitivity means that you don't even want to bring it up. It does feel like a "out of the closet" experience. It is not that people think less of you when they find out your struggle, I just worry they will treat me differently. But it is scary. Maybe one day!

  2. Ahh, the strange optimism is such a lovely and surreal time!!! Enjoy it!! :-)

    As for going public, as I mentioned yesterday, I do think it's a mixed bag. But as I've thought more about it, I think the most important thing for me hasn't been what people do or don't do in response to my IF, but it's how I feel about it - about being out versus in. There came a point where I was so sick of feeling like I had to hide, like I had to be ashamed, like I had to live a double life. I still have to do that at work, but it helps so much to just not really care, for the most part. As you know, I still get upset at stupid comments and such, but for the most part, I can just be - and not feel ashamed about IF. I think that's the best part of being out. I feel a little more whole, and less ashamed. It's got it's ups and downs, but mostly it's freeing. If people can't handle it, they can't... do I want friends who can't handle my issue?? Well, if they can't, then maybe I'm better off, you know...But it took a while for me to reach that point where the benefit was greater than the risk. I think you'll know if or when the time is right for you. It's so personal.

    But I am super happy you found an AWESOME Facebook IF site!!!! :-)

    Sorry for such a long comment - errr, sorry for the ear bashing!!!! :-) Love ya, LG!!!!