"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Trying to pull ourselves together

This morning I went early to the clinic to have my beta. It was a traumatic experience, because it could have been such a different one. I told the nurse I had my period so it was a formality. She asked me what I was doing over the long weekend, and told me to have a lovely day. No acknowledgement of the fact that this was clearly a hard day for me. It made me sad, because the lovely nurse who used to take my blood in my old clinic would have given me a hug and told me she was sorry.

I cried in the car, so much that I had to pull over and call Earl, coz I was worried I would have an accident.

Earl is pretty sad today. The big issue is, IF is not the only stressful/not going well thing in our lives at the moment. It feels like crap is just piling up high on us, and we don't know why.

Yesterday I hung out with some friends and their daughter. Their four year old asked me "Are you going to get married Auntie LG?" Her Mum corrected her, said that I was married to Uncle Earl. "But you don't have children?" she asked puzzled "How can you be married without Children?". I am I told her. She paused for a moment then said "Your tummy needs to get really fat and then you can have a baby". It was both a really hard and a really funny conversation. I said "I hope so" and she seemed satisfied with that.

It is so very hard to trust God when your life is falling apart. But I'm trying to remember what day it is. Good Friday. That was the day that proves once and for all that God loves me.

I would appreciate lots of prayers. Life is really tough.


  1. Oh from the mouths of babes! I had a friend's daughter, about a month after my miscarriage, ask me if I'd had the baby yet. When I said no, she said, "is it still in your belly?" To which I then had to tell her that sadly no, the baby was not in my belly, the baby had died and not all baby's make it to the outside world. Broke my heart. Not just for me, but to see the look on her face as she tried to process what I was telling her. She's 7 so I didn't fell TOO bad talking about death with her...but what are you supposed to do in that situation? You can't lie and say yes cause she obviously would know if you didn't have baby one day!

    I'm glad you and the 4 year old were able to come to an understanding about marriage and children ;-)

    So sorry you had to go in for a pointless beta, I will never never understand why they are needed if one's period has arrived.

  2. Oh LG - sounds like you handled that conversation w/ your friend's daughter beautifully!!! You are such a class act, my friend!!! I'm so sorry about the insensitive nurse.... that's so awful!! I hope you won't have her anymore!!! Hugs to you and Earl!!! I really understand what you're saying - and like, can't at least one thing go right?? Hugs, hugs, hugs!!!