This morning I went early to the clinic to have my beta. It was a traumatic experience, because it could have been such a different one. I told the nurse I had my period so it was a formality. She asked me what I was doing over the long weekend, and told me to have a lovely day. No acknowledgement of the fact that this was clearly a hard day for me. It made me sad, because the lovely nurse who used to take my blood in my old clinic would have given me a hug and told me she was sorry.
I cried in the car, so much that I had to pull over and call Earl, coz I was worried I would have an accident.
Earl is pretty sad today. The big issue is, IF is not the only stressful/not going well thing in our lives at the moment. It feels like crap is just piling up high on us, and we don't know why.
Yesterday I hung out with some friends and their daughter. Their four year old asked me "Are you going to get married Auntie LG?" Her Mum corrected her, said that I was married to Uncle Earl. "But you don't have children?" she asked puzzled "How can you be married without Children?". I am I told her. She paused for a moment then said "Your tummy needs to get really fat and then you can have a baby". It was both a really hard and a really funny conversation. I said "I hope so" and she seemed satisfied with that.
It is so very hard to trust God when your life is falling apart. But I'm trying to remember what day it is. Good Friday. That was the day that proves once and for all that God loves me.
I would appreciate lots of prayers. Life is really tough.