"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Explaining the grief

Dear Friends, thanks so much for your love! I appreciate it so much. Often I dig myself into a pretty big hole, and it's nice to know that there are others out there who can be hopeful for me when I have no hope. I feel like there should be some explanation for my feelings in the last post. I have mentioned previously that there has been several "miracle" pregnancies and babies in my life. On Saturday, in the middle of my bffs baby shower (which I was co-organising), I heard about another one. These particular friends have been trying longer than us. In fact, excluding people who are several years older than us (who have given up trying long ago), they were the last couple I knew IRL who had been trying longer than us. I found out from bff later that they had just started IVF this year and had been successful. So its continuing the feeling that babies happen, IVF works, and miracles happen- just not to us. For me, as excited as I am about persuing ED, there is grieving involved in the getting there. And being in the middle of a cycle, which is close to being our last cycle, brings the grief into focus. I love this little embaby which is going in on Sunday- and I already feel like I've had a BFN. I know it can always happen, but if it is true that there is something wrong that has lead to our many, many, many failed IVF attempts, then the chance that this will work is very small. Anyway, that is my thinking on the cycle at present, that is why I sounded so defeatest. Things that make me feel better? The doctor we see still thinks it is worth trying one more stimulated cycle. He would not recommend that if he thought there was no hope. Thumper was real, we have gotten pregnant once, and it is still possible we might get pregnant again. And I am trying this slightly weird "stimulated" FET, so who knows? There are always going to be people who can't have kids themselves. I guess I'm just coming to terms with the fact that those people are most likely us. LG


  1. Fingers crossed for you and your embaby on Sunday. xoxoxoxo

  2. Your feelings are totally, completely - and in all other ways - understandable, my friend!! I'm continuing to hope and pray this time is different!! Hugs!!!