"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Monday, May 7, 2012

Glass Half Full

Lately I have been finding I have 2 good weeks, followed by two bad weeks. No, that's probably not accurate. I guess the best way to describe it is that usually 2 weeks is about my limit for really great weeks. That doesn't mean that they don't have hard moments, but they are good out-waying the bad weeks. Then usually something happens, something IF related that messes it all up. I was kinda thinking something was due. Earl's best mate got married last August. It was an amazing day, partly because we weren't sure that day would ever come. He is a classically laid back guy, who never seemed to get around to approaching the girls he liked. He wanted to get married, but not enough to do something about it. About three years ago a lady entered his life and he fell head over heals. IT was a complicated relationship: they lived in different states, they had different ideas about the future, and she was nervous about marriage coming from a broken home. But in the end they worked it out, and their wedding was one of my favourite weddings. One, because it was so lovely to see them together, to see that nervous start turn into such a lovely match. Two, because Earl was the best man and gave an awesome speech (Earl is a really natural, funny public speaker). Anyway, we were hanging out with them on the weekend, when M told Earl that he and his wife were 10 weeks pregnant. Completely unexpectedly. It took me about 5 minutes to just get over the shock. I couldn't believe it! Normally I am so cautious about other people, I'm always aware that it could happen. But they had even written in their Christmas letter that kids would (God willing) be a few years away! I had no idea. But I got pretty upset. I told Earl "I should have known. God always sends horrible things, just when I'm starting to get happy". It's the kind of thing you can only say to God, to your husband, and on your blog! Earl's response though has hung with me "Maybe God sends you two really good weeks so you can cope with such difficult news". It's a different perspective, isn't it? Glass half-full. I am so used to focusing on how hard my road is. And it is very hard. But it was true. I had two really lovely weeks, two hopeful, happy weeks. And they, under God, helped me to cope. The next day I still wasn't coping. I could bearly look at them. I didn't know how I could get through the weekend (I was camping with them, and heaps of other families that we know quite well). So I went up to Mrs M and I talked to her. I just talked to her. I didn't say congratulations, I couldn't. But she asked how I was going and I cried and said that IF sucked. And she hugged me and cried back. This road I am on is so very hard. This road WE are on is so very hard. I don't want to down play it, and I never will. But there is a certain perspective, a certain "face your fears" attitude, that seems to slowly be building in this green-monstered crazy lady. And I have a sneaky suspicion that it might just help me to hold on. Today I begin injections to get my body ready for FET. I am very conscious that it might not work. But I also know that it might. So let's dwell on that. Glass half-full. LG

1 comment:

  1. Yea...moving forward with your FET is great news. Praying for you.

    I think Earl is right about God giving you the good so you can survive the bad. My husband says this too about himself. He works a horribly stressful job at an awful high school (most of his students are felons and he has been hit several times by his students). He says somehting great will happen (compliment from a parent) on the same day as something awful (getting hit / being yelled at by the principal).

    Stay strong and focused. God has given you this drive and desire to be a mother for a reason. It just sucks that you have to endure all of this along the way.