"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Is it worth it?

Today I got a picture of what the next three weeks will look like. This Wednesday- Trigger injections. Originally my doc was going to let me trigger myself, but given how slow my folies are growing, and that there is one that can grow, and we aren't aiming for it to be a baby (although it would be good if it was!), then I think he decided that trigger was the way to go. This Sunday- Transfer, provided my little embaby makes it through the thaw Three weeks time- pregnancy test. It's strange in a way. I am not feeling hopeful, not just about this cycle, but about my abilities to ever conceive a child. I'm just not in a good place. So these three weeks just feel like a nightmare. I looked at Thumpers picture today and asked him "Did you really exist? Did you really happen?. Did this silly body of mine actually hold you in for those 7 weeks?". Because it seems so far away and so different from how I've been feeling. And Thumper is the only thing that is stopping me just throwing in the towel on another stim cycle. When I got my meds and talked through the plan with my nurse, she said to me "It's all worth it?". But is it? Is it really? And I just walking up a hill just to fall down again? LG PS the format of my blog is driving me crazy. It takes out all my spaces in my post. I don't know why. Just imagine lots of great big pauses in my posts as it used to be. Sorry!


  1. So sorry you're not in good place right now!! I don't know what happens at the top of your hill, but I do think it will be worth it, because it is the only way you'll find out if it is worth it.... Thumper was real!!! And I'm hoping and praying his little brother or sister will come to you soon!!! Hugs galore!!!!!

  2. Whatever path you take to motherhood WILL. BE. WORTH. IT.

  3. I'm so sorry you're in this space. I have wondered if it's worth it. I guess I decided it is, but I'm pretty close to throwing in the towel, too. Hang in there, LG. We're all pulling for you.

  4. Praying for you. God would not put this desire in your heart if he wasn't using it to guide you to his plan. God is faithful, but waiting sure does suck!