"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Flicking a switch

There is a crazy in the house, and her name is Lady Grey. How else can I possibly explain the split personality thing that happens every month. Pre-transfer I am a pessemistic, teary mess. Post transfer I am a happy PUPO, convinced of good news person.

Yes, we did have a great looking embryo- but we always do. Yes, I am using some of the same meds as I did with Thumper, but I've done that before too. Earl is trying to think about this cycle as the bonus cycle, the one that we know won't work, but there is always a chance so let's just be relaxed about it. But I can't do that. Ever since I saw that compacted, seven cell little embaby I got involved.

So I dream. The first dream I have is telling people. Actually, that's the main dream I have. I feel like it's been so long, so long of waiting, that the idea of telling family and friends just seems so awesome, so exciting, it would be such a special moment. The rest of the dreams are all just flash backs to Thumper, (happy) ultra sound, vomitting. Might not sound that special but for us it was everything. And we so want it again.

I know next week will be different. Next week the fear will set in, because in almost every bfn cycle we have had early bleeding before the 2ww is out. Next week I will try to detatch.

But for this week at least, I am PUPO.


No comments:

Post a Comment