I've actually had a good day today. Been a while. Just really been struggling. Earl's Grandma died on Tuesday and the shock of it has really sent me off the edge. Really cannot cope with one more horrible hard thing right now! But a really lovely Bible study today has really helped to put my mind back together for at least the moment.
So I thought I'd record where we are at.
Nurses at the hospital have recommended I have two periods before we begin again, so I am waiting on number one at the moment. It's been 5 weeks since the actual misscarriage, but only two weeks since my body has been free of pregnancy hormones so I am not sure what to expect in terms of waiting. Given the length of time it is taking, we will probably see our doctor before my second period, as our appointment is on the 15th of March. Hopefully there we will make a decision whether to try a more natural cycle (timing transfer around ovulation with very little chemical intervention involved) or the standard full-meds frozen cycle.
March the 15th seems so far away (though at least it's Feb so its less than it sounds). The waiting has been so horrible. I have never, never, never wanted a baby more or struggled with infertillity more than I have in the last two months. March seems so far away.
I don't think I can take another two months like the last two. And if it doesn't happen...
I am scared of this next cycle but I want to be there. I want a baby. I miss Thumper so much, and I suspect nothing will ever change that. But in another baby there might be healing.