"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Counting down

Well, we are now in the last month before Thumper was due. On Saturday we went to a wedding and there was a girl there due in August. Her stomach was so big and beautiful. And then I realised, I would have been futher along than her if Thumper had survived. It was not a good day after that.

We had a lovely time away, so lovely and warm and special. So great to be with family, and also great to be with Earl.

Aunty Flo came and ruined one day, but the rest were special. My parents pulled me aside to ask how things were going. I told them we were unsure about Accupuncture because of the cost. They, as I knew they would, said they would pay. "Never let money be an issue to stop you doing anything" said Dad, "We are here". It's strange, once they offered to pay, I realise that I was happy to pay myself. Once money was no longer a concern I realised I wanted to pay myself. My strange pride, as I decide I want to spend my own money on IVF. One day we might end up leaning on them to do this. But not today. If I can't make a baby on my own, I at least want to pay for it while I can. Strange pride.

But when I rang up to book for accupuncture I realised I get a discount because we are low income earners. Yay!

It's hard, I don' want to hope to much, don't want to assume that this is the miracle cure that we have been waiting for. I told my parents "don't get your hopes up". Dad hugged me and Mum cried and they said "Don't think about us. We don't think about us. We care only about you".
Oh Thumper, why did you have to go?

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