Why I am over waiting

At some stage this week, AF will arrive and my FET cycle will begin. I do have hope for it. It might sounds kind of funny, given that everything at the moment for me is about Embryo adoption, but I do really have hope. And I have hope for the next cycle. We are trying some special things for the next stim, who knows, they may be the thing that makes the difference. But I am also very aware that they all might not work, and that it is time to start perfecting our plan B. Last week I got the message from my councellor that the waiting list for ED is around 18 months. 18 MONTHS! In someways, it isn't a big deal. I will likely be 34 by the time we come up for ED, which in the grand scheme of things is still very young. The system at our clinic is lovely, I like the way they match, I like the way they care, I like the team that I will be working with. But there are a few things that make waiting that long so hard. The first is Dad. My Dad has been dealing with Prostate Cancer for a little longer than we've been trying to have a baby. The prognosis at the start of the year was good. He had some very successful hormone treatment that slowed things down. But in Feb (the day before Earl's Pa died) he got a bad blood test. So he will be back on the hormones next month. Now, there is still a good possibility that the hormones will work again. But it's a real blow for us, a sense that while Dad is not dying yet, that he is not going to live the 15 or more years that we were hoping for. My Dad loves babies. Absolutely adores them. He was a terrific Dad, and he will/would make a great Grandpa. I hate waiting because I am so aware that every year I don't get pregnant is a year my kids won't get to spend with him. It's also hard because we don't know. ED is a really exciting option. It is likely to work. But there are no garentees. And we can't go on the waiting list until we've stopped other treatment. So we are getting ready for an 18 month wait that might still lead to nothing. It is tough. But there are glimmers of hope. A FET, Another stim. A chance that the waiting list comes down. And last night on the TV, for the first time ever, I saw a news story about Embryo donation. A positive story, encouraging people to do it. In the very week where we were told about the waiting list length. So who knows? Maybe some out there someone saw that news item, who will decide in 12 months time to donate their embryos. And they might finally be the children we have been praying for. LG