"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Sunday, June 3, 2012

The 1ww

As of today, the 1ww had begun.  This time next week I will be taking a blood test.  I might already have my period by then, but by then at least I will have some sense of what has happened.

Have been really struggling to sleep.  Which for me is a very unusual thing, though at least at the moment I have some ability to sleep in or have afternoon naps to compensate.  The lack of sleeping is because my head is spinning as I lie down, lots of thoughts about lots of things.  Most of the time not about 1ww or pregnancy but as often happens with these things, the stress of this is underpinning everything so it is the cause, though not the content of my insomnia producing thoughts.

I've had a really sore back, an aching neck, and a little bit of cramping.  Could be a) AF coming on, b)hormones I took on Saturday, or c) early pregnancy symptoms (okay, I don't know if back pain is really an early symptom, but the cramping could be!)

Hoping to have a really productive day today, planning ahead just in case AF does come and I am suddenly not functioning mid week.

This 1ww is the real killer for me.  The constant uncertainty, the stress with every bathroom stop, the waiting, waiting waiting which at this stage doesn't contain any hope, just a desperate 'please don't not be pregnant, please don't not be pregnant'.  Which is a terrible double negative but it is so different from 'please be pregnant'.  Please be pregnant is a hopeful I-want-a-good-thing-to-come.  Please don't not be pregnant is a fearful I-don't-want-to-go-though-that-pain-again.

Appreciate your thoughts and prayers,

1 comment:

  1. My thoughts and prayers are yours, for sure!!! I wish I could give you some of my sleeping!!! My progesterone suppositories always knock me out, big time!! Anyhow, I am so so so so so sooooooooooo hoping you are pregnant!!!!! You keep up the double negative and I'll handle the extra positive for you1!!! :-)