Well, AF arrived on Friday. Shoots began last night and I have my first scan on Friday. Sometime in the next three weeks, all being well, I will have a frozen embryo.
Am I the only person in the world who is this obsessed with "How to feel" and "what to think"? It seemed to come up every cycle. I go between being scared and excited, hopeful and helpless. I want this to work more than anything, and to correspond with cycles starting I've started to feel more sensitive and empty. I think it's just that infertility is so normal now that most of the time I cope. But cycles remind me what I am missing and I feel the weight once again.
I saw Lydia yesterday. Lydia is an adorable little 4 year old. Though her mother mentioned she is 5 this month. And it hit me. September. 5 years and nine months of trying. I could have had a five year old this month.
How to feel about that?