Well, AF arrived on Friday. Shoots began last night and I have my first scan on Friday. Sometime in the next three weeks, all being well, I will have a frozen embryo.
Am I the only person in the world who is this obsessed with "How to feel" and "what to think"? It seemed to come up every cycle. I go between being scared and excited, hopeful and helpless. I want this to work more than anything, and to correspond with cycles starting I've started to feel more sensitive and empty. I think it's just that infertility is so normal now that most of the time I cope. But cycles remind me what I am missing and I feel the weight once again.
I saw Lydia yesterday. Lydia is an adorable little 4 year old. Though her mother mentioned she is 5 this month. And it hit me. September. 5 years and nine months of trying. I could have had a five year old this month.
How to feel about that?
LG
LG, I am so sorry that you had this stark realization. It sucks when our personal lives suddenly trigger an infertility calendar. My thoughts are with you for this upcoming cycle.
ReplyDeleteI think about those things a lot too, and I think I've concluded that you need to think and feel whatever you think and feel. All those thoughts and feelings are normal and are fine - even the ones that feel negative - they're all part of it. And I'm so sorry - I do that year comparison all the time, and it's like pouring lemon juice in a paper cut, only a million times worse!!!
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