Yesterday I work up, rolled over in bed in that fuzzy state you often go into between dream and waking. I was lying there, not at all stress, but dreamily thinking "I've forgotten something". Then it hit me. The transfer. It's the two week weight.
It's funny how when an act gets repeated it becomes more and more normal and less and less dramatic. This time seemed particularly to be the case. When I got up yesterday and had a shower, I realised I hadn't had a morning shower on transfer day. This isn't too much of a surprise in terms of my normal life, I sometimes have evening baths or even (please don't think I'm disgusting friends!) no shower for a day. But transfer days I was always careful to have a shower, to make sure I had no perfumy anything on me that would hurt my embabies. But that day it hadn't even occurred to me.
In the past transfer days were days off. I was determined to relax, determined to stay home. I would write a post in the morning- you can scroll through my blog titles and see this is the case. This day I had two meetings on and I went and they were distracting.
The other thing that made this one seem strange is that it was so quick.
Our clinic usually says to come in half an hour before your transfer. And I thought I did. But as the nurse called me in as soon as I arrived I realised I'd gotten the time wrong by 20 minutes! So we arrived, filled out the paper work, and suddenly we were in. I put on my gown, we talked about the embryos, I got on the table, he put them in. It was all so quick, I almost said to Earl "did that really just happen".
It was so fast that I wasn't really watching the screen when the scientist sucked the embryos up into the syringe. So I have this weird thought "what if they missed them and they didn't go in".
Today was different. Today I woke up, not quite able to sleep in. I woke up knowing that the embryos were inside of me: dead or alive. And I prayed, and I touched my belly the way I hate in other women and I said "Please stay".
You probably want to know the stats.
The two day two embryos that were defrosted made it! One was a marula and one was an expanding blastocyst. I am praying for both, but I'm not really expecting twins out of this scenario. The blastocyst made the marula look so puny! But it was still growing, so there is still hope.
So, I now have two in my belly and 9 frozen. It still seems like crazy numbers. But I can't think of that now.
Beta Monday week.