One of the things I'm starting to get excited about now that Dancer is doing better is my baby shower.
It's strange for me to think about though, because I've had such a mixed experience with them.
The church we used to attend had many young families, so there were always lots of baby showers to face. I missed most of them, sometimes because I was busy, other times because I just didn't feel up to facing them. Depending on the shower, I sometimes coped and sometimes didn't.
The hardest were last year, with my sister in law and BFF. Sister in laws I didn't organise. But it was at my parents in laws house, where I had pictured my baby shower when I was pregnant with Thumper. So even though I had made the cake and gone crazy helping, the day was pretty tough.
BFFs I organised, and that made it easier, because I was busy and I knew what was happening. No surprises, I thought. But a friend announced in front of me that a mutual friend was expecting, and I actually had to leave the room and cry.
I know many people after IF don't have baby showers, because they are afraid, or because they have such painful memories. But I always knew I wanted one. Partly because I was sad I didn't have a thirtieth (after nearly 4years of IF it was too hard to think about), and I'd love to have a party with friends. Partly because I knew we would need stuff and friends would enjoy giving it. And finally because I knew when we got pregnant, that would be worth celebrating.
So baby shower is on in nearly a month! It is being run by my Mum, sister, BFF, and two sisters in law. Between them I think it will be wonderful. The theme is Noah's ark :) My tiny concern is after thinking about it for so long, I don't want to do what I typically do with these kind of events, build it up in my head so it's doesn't live up to my expectations.
I can't believe I'm here, talking about a baby shower that's mine. There has been such a long journey and so many stresses in this pregnancy. But as I write, I feel Dancer wiggling away, while BH occasionally jabs my belly button and I have every reason to accept that I'm here. Amazing...