"This can be the day that we remember Thumper always. It seems nicer than the day we found out he died" I said last night.
Earl shook his head "Yes, this day. Let's never remember that other day ever again".
And so we had our first Thumper day- on the estimated due date of when he would have been born
It was in many ways a good day. It was good because I had a really great meeting with my counsellor. She is so good at reminding me of true things about our chances (I tend to be more pessimistic than the doctors), and also so good at just letting me talk! It was a day of support, as my husband put a cryptic but "you know if you know" message on facebook about what the day meant, and as friends told us they were praying for us. It was a day of lots of tears, as we grieved and thought about what might have been.
We had a special dinner, we prayed, and we talked.
I wish, wish, wish, wish that we were pregnant now. Because then the day could have been about Thumper, and not another day of feeling so sad about infertility and where it has left us.
But all in all, a special and not just painful day.