"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Up and Down

I survived the week! Seems like an amazing miracle when I think I had to take my contacts out on Tuesday because I was crying so much that my eyes were dried out!

Today is my rest day. I'm pretty excited about it, but it's been as emotionally up and down as the week that procedded it.

First of all, Earl's cousin had her baby boy. In many ways this was a miracle as 2.5 months ago she was in hospital with a potentially fatal brain virus. So her little boy is a real miracle. But the name has knocked me round a bit. You see, my husband, as the first born son of a first born son of a first born son etc- has a special family middle name. Our "first son" is suppose to have that middle name as well. And Tim's cousin has just given it to her boy. I cried a little bit, but as Earl says- it doesn't stop the preciousness of giving it to our boy if we have one. But it is hard, as if Thumper (as we believed) was a boy- it would have been his name when he was born any day now!

Then Earl and I went out for breakfast and it was my happy time of the day. It was so lovely being together and talking. I really love his company- and I love the way that he supports me so well. As we were there I was saying, with all the moving and uncertainty about next year, maybe I should start investigating what we will do IF treatment wise for next year, at least so I have a plan. I wanted to look at IVF clinics, but also at adoption things because I am beginning to think this might be a good plan for us if IVF doesn't happen in the next 2 years.

Back to despair!

Australia is a horrible place to adopt from! There are very few local babies and very few international adoptions allowed. They estimate on the website that for international adoption the average couple takes 3 to 4 years to be accepted onto a waiting list, and then 2-5 years before they get their child (if they want a child under 2). In my state (of 6 million odd) there are 20 local and 45 international adoptions a year!!!!!

Having a child, any child, seems so far away.

What a week!

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