Hope Deferred: I'm NOT pregnant, please keep reading my blog!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

I'm NOT pregnant, please keep reading my blog!

Today could have been a really lovely day. It was farewell from a very special job I'v been doing. And it was a really lovely day today whenever I was busy. And yet when I had a moment to myself I just couldn't help feeling in despaired. I really, really, really thought I was pregnant. And I'm not. It's just so overwhelmingly unfair.

You hear all those lovely stories about how "I really hoped and prayed I'd have a baby before Christmas" or, "Exactly a year after loosing by baby I was pregnant again" and it comes true. I thought I was going to be one of those lovely stories but I am not. I am never a lovely story. I am that never successful, always awful- 'person you never want to be' stories. All the things I've dreaded, Christmas, the day we lost Thumper, my SIL Pregnancy, My BFFs pregnancy, they are all happening with no baby and its too hard.

I read other blogs about people who are nine weeks, exactly where I was when I lost Thumper.

OH GOD, PLEASE THIS IS ALL TO HARD, PLEASE DO SOMETHING!

And I'm a bit worried that some people have stopped reading my blog because they think I'm pregnant. I'm not, please come back! I need your support through all this!

LG

4 comments:

HJDecember 6, 2011 at 8:11 PM
I haven't stopped!!! I'm still here!! I haven't been online a ton lately b/c of work and craziness. I'm so sorry, LG!! I know you miss Thumper so much. I wish it were so different for you!!! It is unfair - completely, totally, and in all other ways UNfair!!!! But, remember that what is now is not destined to always be!!! And even if your story has been awful so far, YOU are lovely!!! Lovely!!! HUGS!!!
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LaraDecember 7, 2011 at 2:50 AM
Still here, pregnant or not. I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time. It just really isn't fair.
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eeruppsDecember 7, 2011 at 5:55 AM
I'm still here, I've mostly been a stalker just because I've stopped blogging myself, but I'm still reading! We've been trying for 3 years with one loss in there and everyone around me is pregnant too, I totally get the feeling! I'm sorry things are tough and even if I'm not commenting, I'm thinking of you!
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SometimesDecember 7, 2011 at 6:32 AM
I'm here!! And will stay here WHEN you get pregnant.
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Our Journey to Date

Jan 2007- Start TTC

July 2007- GP confirms with test that I can ovulate

Aug 2007- GP confirms that Earl's sperm is good

April 2008-Fertility specialist runs tests

June 2008- LG Diagnosed with PCOS, start Clomid

Sept 2008- LG diagosed with Pre-Diabetes. Starts on Metaformin

June 2008-March 2009- LG loses 14 Kg to help her chances of conceiving

March 2009- Start IVF process

April 2009- Stimulated Cycle #1 produces 3 eggs. Two fertilise. One transfered

May 2009 BFN

July 2009 FET- BFN

Aug 2009 Stimulated IVF cycle #2 produces 5 eggs. Two fertilise

Sept 2009- Biochemical Pregnancy

Nov 2009- FET BFN

Feb 2010- Stimulated Cycle, 10 eggs, six fertilised, 4 survive. Fresh transfer cancelled due to risk of OHS

April 2010-FET BFN

May 2010- FET (one embie doesn't survive defrosting process ) BFN (start on Clexane for all transfers)

July 2010- FET Positive test but low Beta. Beta picks up for a week but then heavy bleeding. Beta still up. Several weeks of tests and concern over potential ectopic, before more bleeding and misscarriage diagnosis

Aug 2010- More tests. No more medical issues diagnosed.

Oct 2010- Stimulated Cycle, 7 eggs, 4 fertilised and survive. Transfer

Nov 2010- BFP. First Ultra Sound is very small, but heart beat. Second Ultra Sound is good. We nickname baby Thumper

Dec 2010- Slight bleeding, Ultra Sound shows Thumpers heart has stopped beating.

Jan 2011- Miscarry

April 2011- FET, BFN

May 2011- FET, BFN

Aug 2011- FET, Small Skinny Positive, but Period and BFN on the second test.

Oct 2011- Stim cycle. One embryo. Period/BFN

Feb 2011- Endemetrium biopsy. All looking good.

March 2012-stim cycle. Three embryos. Two transfered. Period/BFN.

March 2012- begin preliminary research into Embryo donation

May 2012-FET using a slight stim cycle to get lining right. Period/BFN

July 2012-Stimulated cycle. 38 eggs! 18 fertilised and made it to day 2! 9 frozen at day 2, the rest grown out to day 5. One transfered, two frozen as blastocysts. Two days later period comes- doctor explained that because of so many eggs, my body picked up on a hormone drop and released my uterus walls.

Aug 2012- waiting a month to transfer the first of 11 embryos!

September 2012- Slightly stimulated cycle for FET. Two embryoes transfered

October 2012-BFP. Beta #308

November 2012- Two heart-beats!

Dec 2012- 12 week scan looks terrific, twins due in late May!!

Jan 2013- twin boys. One is very small so fortnightly scans organised

Feb 2013-small twins growth picks up, looking good!

March 2013- viability

Hope Deferred

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

I'm NOT pregnant, please keep reading my blog!

4 comments:

Our Journey to Date

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