So, our RE appointment was shifted a day ahead and it happened this morning. How can I describe it? A bit traumatic.
The doctor looked at my file and said that given my embryos and my age and the times we've tried I should be pregnant by now, so that meant one of two problems. Either there was something Genetically wrong with my embryos, or there is something wrong with my Uterus. They have the facilities to Genetically test my embryos to see if that is the problem, if there is no problem then there are a few things they can try in relation to my Uterus. But I have to face the real possibility that the only solution to genetically abnormal embryos in donated sperm or egg, and the only solution if my uterus does not work is Surrogacy.
In the end we didn't get very far in our discussions because Earl and I had to go and process the news. This arvo we will call up and book things in. I actually like my new clinic. I've already had a lovely counsellor ring up and talk me through things, every ones been very understanding and concerned for me. And I don't blame the doctor for being realistic. It's just that these kinds of options- these kind of "worst case scenarios" have always been presented as far in the future. It was such a shock, in what I saw as an initial discussion of our case, to have such things raised, to have the next steps being so extreme.
I don't really know how to think about it. I think the scariest thing is that not being able to have our own genetic children now feels like a real possibility. And that is really hard. Not to mention the fact that both Earl and I have not discussed about how we feel about Sperm or Egg donation. We've talked about Embryo adoption- and that is alot more appealing to us that the other two- though I get the vibe my clinic sees EA as only an option for those who Sperm or Egg donation doesn't work. But it's just like a whole mine-field that has opened up in front of us.
The timing? Tomorrow is the anniversary of when we lost Thumper. 2011- you have done it again!
I am sitting here crying, but I am okay. Not great, but okay. There is still a chance that we can have our own Genetic children- and anything is possible with God. But it is still a blow.
Please pray for us. It's a tough road, and it doesn't look like getting any smoother anytime soon.