"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Coming home childless

On the road on the way home, two things were going on which meant that I wasn't in a good place for a long drive and a sentimental reflection of the last four years interstate. One was a conversation on Monday with my dear friend Mrs L. I loved her, she has been a huge support to me. But I think I need to say to her, I can't talk to her about IVF anymore. Everytime i talk to her, she just looks so mornful, so sorry for me, so "you are dreaming if you think this is going to happen after your million and one cycles", that I always walk away feeling just like that.

Then I got a message from my BFF saying she was having her 13 week scan and if all went well (which it did) she would start telling people.

I thought I was okay about BFFs pregnancy.

Wrong again.

So I sit in my Parent-in-laws house, reading blogs of so many people who are going into Christmas- FULL, and I sit here empty.

I know tomorrow i will have hope. I am really detirmined to hold it together, to do my best to be hopeful and happy. But today. Today I think I just have to mourn what I do not have.


1 comment:

  1. oh, i am so sorry. i know how you're feeling. we will get through this.