Today my sister and I went shopping. We went shopping at a big op shop (I think the equivalent in America is Goodwill? But I'm not sure, anyway, second hand clothes with proceeds to charity). Anyway, it was all second hand clothes and my sister is the master of second hand clothes shopping. We went shopping and I tried on numerous things, got lots for not very much, and then went home and got Earl to have the final say of what he thought. Those he doesn't like will end up right back where they started :)
But anyway, as I tried on clothes it was funny because IVF has made me a bit bloated so I have this little belly which seemed to stick out of everything. And I kept saying to my sister, "It's just okay at the moment, but that's because of IVF, it will fit better later".
It was only after I said it that I realised what a weird place I must be in to think like that.
You do IVF to have a baby. That is what it's all about. Yet I am so used to the principle "Hope for the best, but shop for the worst"- that I didn't even think that if IVF works then none of this stuff will fit. And maybe I was shopping where I was shopping because it didn't matter too much. But it was weird, weird to think that my default is not-pregnant, even though I am working so hard for the other outcome.
When BFF got married, I ordered a dress in the size I was. We figured, if I did get pregnant, it would be such happy news, we would buy another one, get it altered or remade. Whereas to take-in a pregnancy dress would be too heart-breakingly hard. I often think of that, that strange "Just in case" discussion. And yet here we are nearly 2 years later and BFF is pregnant and I am not.
I desperately want to be pregnant. But I will not put my life on hold. "Hope for the best, shop for the worst" might not be the most positive state to be, but if I never bough clothes because I was trying, I would be naked right now.
Yes, "Hope for the best, shop for the worst" is best :)