"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Thursday, March 1, 2012

False hope, the internet and how to think

I am really struggling to know how to think about the cycle ahead.

Two months ago, I was faced with one of the hardest doctors appointments I ever had to faced. I was listening to someone telling me that maybe this wasn't going to be in my future.

Now, two months on, that same doctor is giving this a real, red hot go. And I don't know how to think about things.

I said to Earl last night "I am ridiculously optimistic about our chances of getting pregnant next month. Is that stupid". Earl looked at me, paused, nodded, shrugged and said "Probably". I knew exactly what he means. We still aren't super likely to have a baby. But what can you do, hope is something that just is.

Now that we are not looking into genetic testing, I guess my big question is about my uterus. Is it no good. Is there something about it that isn't working that can be changed? In many ways I feel like nothing can be that bad, because Thumper managed to make it to 9 weeks didn't he. But is there something that means that my medically good looking embabies don't make it very far? That's why my doc did an endemetrium biopsy. I will get the results as I'm starting my stimulation scans.

And then I read something on the Internet about how people who have endemetrium biopsy are twice as likely on their next cycle to get pregnant.

More hope.

More, strange, stupid hope. Oh Internet, you mess with us IFers so much!

How should I think? Should I be positive? Is positive realistic?

I don't know.
PS Thanks friends for your suggestions about what to eat/do this cycle, really appreciate it. Lees J- I don't think American DVDs do work in Australia unfortunately, which is ashame because Infertility Yoga sounds intriging!

1 comment:

  1. Hang onto the hope and don't let anyone take it from you!