10 weeks and daring to dream

Its a strange time.

10 weeks just seems so significant.  I know its not the magical 12 weeks.  And I also know that 12 weeks isn't magical either.  It's safer, but it's not safe.  I know that anything can still happen.

But 10 weeks is significant. Every day is closer to telling. Every week is closer to this really, really happening.

It blows my mind sometimes.

I'm not planning on doing weekly updates for bump picks or anything like that.  But I do want to give you a sense of what has been going on.

Well, they say you start showing early with Twins and its true.  I have a bump.  Its not totally noticeable when I have clothes on, but once you get to the end of the day and I strip down to a bra its very, very obvious.  Earl is constantly teasing me about it, in a excited, non-offensive way.  Today I also went a bought my first maternity bra.  It felt weird, buying anything maternity before 12 weeks, but I was getting desperate.  Only one of my biggest bras fit, and I mean fit in the loosest terms.  It is so strange telling a shop assistant that I'm pregnant, when I haven't even told my Mum.  I don't think anyone will ask if I am pregnant, but I wonder if I will get some "I thought so"s when I finally tell.

Nausea is still there, though it feels a little less intense since the 10 week mark.  I still vomit every morning, and I have to eat something every hour in the morning, but overall I'm managing.  Food wise I still eat most things.  I'm very thirsty, and my only craving is Greek Yoghurt.  I eat it straight out of the tub, and I'm convinced I have very healthy, sensible babies to want something that is so good for me anyway!

Last week, I spent 3 days away with my staff team.  I was incredibly nervous; about food, about vomiting  about everything.  It was absolutely fine.  I had my own room, into which I would sneak and eat something if I felt any nausea coming on.  I was able to eat most of the food, and there was nobody who would have noticed everything.  But what was hard was the deception.  Everyone kept asking "Will you be working the same next year as you have this year?".  And I kept saying "I think so" or "Probably".  WHICH is a lie.  Because I didn't think so, and probably not.  I comforted myself by the fact that I was honouring Earl by keeping it quiet, but I still feel bad, and it puts a bit of a dampener of telling my work colleagues the news.  Though I'm sure they will be more understanding than I give them credit for.

But this week is another story.

This week I am going away for 5 days.  Earl will visit for one.  I am coordinating a team of 11 university students who are helping out at a church for a week.  It's going to be mad.  And I will be 11 weeks pregnant.  I'm super nervous.  But I think I just need to accept that it will be busy and crazy and to take every chance to rest that I can. And pray like mad.

And after that?

I get back on Monday and I'm going to crash.  And then?  Thursday we will have our final scan with the RE, our 12 week scan.  It will actually be 11 weeks and 6 days, but its close enough.  And then we will tell my parents.  And then we will tell Earl's parents.  And then we will start telling people.  And as much as I am super excited, I'm also a little nervous.  Infertility, baby stuff has been private for so long.  It feels weird, letting the world know that we are pregnant.  That there are two babies.

Not that I'm complaining.

Earl and I are so very overwhelmed with thankfulness.  We have no idea how we have ended up here.  It just feels like a treasure has just landed in our laps.  Earl won a comp on the radio this morning, and goes into the draw for a quite substantial prize.  But as Earl said, he doesn't care about that.  He just wants our twins.  They are our prize, they are what we have waiting so long for.  We just want them so badly.
LG