"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Saturday, November 10, 2012

A week until the next scan and living with a converted pessimist

9 weeks and 2 days

About the time we lost Thumper

I still stand by my last post, but that doesn't mean the 10 week scan isn't terrifying me.

One of the challenges of the last week has been Earl and my different take on things. Poor Earl.  He started this whole TTC and IVF thing such an optimist! He always thought I was pregnant, bless him. But when Thumper died, so did his optimism. He wants our babies to live, but he assumes they won't.

About 10 percent of the time I talk him into a little excitement. But the rest of the time he is scared. He keeps saying things like "I'm not coping with Life now, how will I be when we loose them?"

It's really tough. I just want him to be happy, but I know he needs to process this in his own way. So it makes me even more anxious for 12 weeks, because I want Earl to share my joy.

It is of course easier for me.  I'm the one with my head in the toilet nearly every morning. I'm the one who's tired and bloated and whose bra is now a 4 year old bra from when I weighed a lot more.  And all this just makes it easier to believe.

But the are still hard moments. Earl and I were at the beach and noticed a home made shrine.  A boy and a girl.  Love Mummy and daddy. Only made it to one day old.  Twins.

I love these babies.  And 12 weeks isn't the only challenge they face.

But it's the next hurdle.

Please make it my dear little ones! Father, please look after them. Amen

1 comment:

  1. Fingers and toes crossed for this next ultrasound!