Its funny, but I have a policy on my blog that I am very clear in my title what my post is going to be, that I don't surprise people with news. I remember reading a blog, a few days after a bfn, and half way through realising it was a pregnancy announcement and feeling really side-swiped. So I decided then and there that I would always be very clear in my title about what had happened. So while you know that we had a TERRIFIC scan, let me tell you the details.
As I have said numerous times, with the exception of the slight bleed a week ago, everything for this pregnancy was looking...well, very pregnant. And so until last night I was feeling pretty positive about having at least one heart-beat. But it's funny, Tim and I had a big commitment last night and the moment we walked out of the place where it was, our faces dropped and we got scared. Scans are just so scary for us.
This morning was torture. I woke up early, lay in bed, checking emails, just wishing time would fly. And it took over an hour in the waiting room, waiting to go in.
There was one really nice thing in the room though. I've always found this waiting room hard, because it tends to have lots of people seeing the fertility doctors who have kids with them. And it always made me feel like a freak, because I would see people and think "Yes, that's how its suppose to be. You do IVF, you get pregnant. Then when kid is big enough you come back for other embryos." But as we sat there Earl and I turned to each other and said "That could be us". It was the weirdest moment.
Then we went in. I got changed, calling out to the doctor that I had been feeling pretty horrible, but I was still scared. We got straight onto it. Baby A was obvious, and I could see the heart-beat right away. Earl said "You remember the other sac?" Doc went and had a look. There was Baby B, Earl started asking "Is there a heart-beat?" but before he finished speaking I called out "There's a heart-beat, THERE'S A HEART-BEAT". I could see it, that beautiful little flicker. Earl and I just stared at each other in disbelief, while our doctor gave us the happiest, realest smile that I've seen the whole time I've known him.
Baby A is right on track at 8 weeks. Baby B is at 7 weeks 2 days- which is behind, but given where he was last week, its exactly the size we would have hoped for. Doc said he has seen pregnancies like this, where the second twin stays behind the whole pregnancy, and turns out absolutely fine.
Earl, of course, being Earl, said "We're still not getting our hopes up". But for today, I want to celebrate because both my babies are okay. I have two heart-beats.
The other thing that we decided, in discussions with our doctor, is that we are changing hospitals. Given our pregnancy is now high risk, we are moving to a less convenient specialist womens-and-babies hospital with a neo-natal ward.
Meanwhile, I am staying on my meds for another 2 weeks. Doc figures that while things are going well we should leave it as is. We are back again in two weeks for a 10 week scan.
Thanks so much for your prayers. It seems so strange after so many years of heart-ache to suddenly just have this double blessing. I know that this is not 12 weeks (which suddenly seems far away again), I know things can go wrong, I know that two heart-beats also equals a higher risk pregnancy than we were expecting.
But right now I just can't help but be grateful. I have two babies inside me.