Ever since I found out Earl sister is having a baby, I've been feeling better and better about it, and more and more excited. I know part of it is that we are two week waiting and I have all these romantic dreams of being pregnant with her and our kids being the best of friends ;P
But there is still a lot of hardness wrapped up inside it, for all that. 5 days after the beta I will be seeing her and celebrating her birthday. I'm preparing myself that this will be a hard time.
I've left messages on her phone, we've facebook messaged each other, and I'm hoping to call her today. Partly just to find out details- Earl was so shocked when she called he didn't ask. They haven't told 'the public' yet, so I'm assuming it's still pre-12 weeks.
And though I'm excited about moving back home, and very happy that I will be living near by when my niece/nephew is born, I'm not looking forward to the many months of pregnant belly watching that will be ahead of me. So funny, belly's are so hard, though babies are so cute and lovely, I can cope with them.
Anyway, onto my proud moment.
CS Lewis (I think) says that the best way to grow in love when you are struggling to love someone is to show love. So when you know you should love someone but your angry or jealous instead, do something nice for them and you will feel happy about them. This has been my philosophy for many years. It became a joke in our first year of marriage, because I would bring my husband a bowl of ice-cream for no reason and he would say "What have I done this time?"
So I've been thinking of ways I can care for my sister-in-law, partly because I love her and my niece/nephew and I want to keep the relationship good, and partly because I know it will help me to deal with the next 7-8 months better if I can feel love towards her.
Some things I am thinking of doing is maybe knitting something for her baby, maybe throwing her a baby shower (I don't know if that is just too hard). But I want to buy someone for them for their baby.
I went to a baby kingdom shop two weeks ago. I was in their for about 30 seconds, but then I had to leave there crying. It was just too hard. It had been so long and having a baby still felt so far away. It seems so wrong, so wrong that we had been trying before she and her husband got engaged, and here she was with her baby on the way and my arms were still empty. So hard that Thumper could have been with me that day, in my arms!
Yesterday, I was going past that same shop.
I took a deep breath, and tried again.
I managed to walk through the whole shop. I even picked up a few items and was shocked at how expensive baby things are! I didn't find anything to get them, but I walked about of the shop with a tear free face.
I felt proud.
And my love for my niece/nephew and their mother grew that little bit stronger.