Getting to the nervy part of the 2 week wait, where you over analyse every queasy feeling and every cramp. Where every trip to the toilet is a nightmare because you are so scared of tell-tale blood. Where you want so much to have a baby inside you, where you feel so attached and yet you just don't know if you are attached to someone who is already gone.
One thing that I am really conscious of this time is that we are on our last embie. Which is sad because I was so sure that one of Thumper's little buddies would have stayed. It's scary, scary that despite a pregnancy it still seems so hard for me to get pregnant.
And I don't want to do another cycle. As I wince with pain over my Clexane needle I think- I DON"T WANT TO DO ANOTHER STIM CYCLE! I don't want three different needles to poke into me. I don't want the fear before-hand. I don't want the bloated belly. I am happy to do anything to have a baby but one reason I want this to work (lowest on the list of course but it still makes it) is because I just want to be pregnant and to not have to do IVF anymore.
It's been so long. It's just been so long and so hard and I want it to end. I'm not ready to stop trying. But I just want a baby.