"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Sunday, August 14, 2011

The fun of meds and travel

Earl and I are about to go to a conference this afternoon.

Earl, I, and my meds.

It's such a frustrating scenario. I have the iceblock in the fridge, which will be useful to get the meds to the conference site. Then I will have to talk to staff there about the possibility of using a fridge to put my medicine in. This is a conference where I don't really know people and where I really don't want people knowing I'm in the middle of an IVF cycle. Not only that, but I have to access my meds at 11pm- which might be an issue if the rooms which contain the fridge are closed up by that time.

I'm sure it will be fine. It's been fine in the past. I've flown on planes with medication. I've stayed with relatives with medication. I've been on conferences with medication.

But it is a stress and a hassle that I don't need right now.

"Why don't they stay? Why don't our embryos stick? What can we do to make them stick? What is the problem? What made Thumper stick?" These were the questions Earl was asking me last night. I had to ask him to stop. Because all these questions bring up all the insecurities about the fact that my womb is incomplete and that I feel like a baby killer. Good embryos go in, nothing comes out.

Earl doesn't think that. He just doesn't understand how it all work, and how it all doesn't work.

But I don't want to think about that. I want to think that there is a baby in my belly. A baby who is not dead. A baby who is attaching and growing. A baby that will make itself known in almost exactly a weeks time.
Please, please, please! Amen

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