Sometimes, time just flows like glass. And sometimes it just runs away.
With Thumper, the count down through the weeks was torture. I still look back and think its impossible that knowing he was there to loosing him was only 5 weeks!
But time is flying now. I can't believe that the next scan is happening in 2 days, at 8 weeks!
My feelings fluctuate. Symptoms are there, morning sickness is here to stay and it's pretty overwhelming. I've been getting lots of aches and cramping, and even though I know that can just be settling in, I panic every time. Hormones are raging too, so sometimes I'm positive and bright, other times I'm morbid and depressed. The bleed still scares me, though we can't know our bleed with thumper came when he died, I've always thought this was the case. But the bleed was so long ago and I feel so pregnant.
In two days time, we will know if I am still carrying twins. I've started thinking of them as Aby and Bebe (Bebe being baby B). I want them both badly.
But there has been some funny stuff.
My work involves Uni students, and as they are all off campus at present, we've been having staff meetings at different people's houses. Last week, one of the hosts made sandwiches, packed with processed no no for pregnancy meat. I did my best to push the meat to the edge of the sandwich as I ate, took the plate with me to the kitchen, then dumped the meat in the bin, feeling very suspicious and nervous as I did. The next week we were going some where where I knew there were sandwiches again. So I made a plan to say at the end of the meeting, I need to go, I can't have lunch. But sandwiches came out half way through. I ended up saying I had to leave early. I'm sure no one cared or noticed but I felt pretty stupid, leaving a staff meeting early, just so I didn't have to say no to sandwiches and let everyone know I was pregnant.
And in the following week we are having people stay on Saturday, I'm staying with a friend on Tuesday. The following week I'm going away with my staff team, where I won't be able to sneak off to avoid lunch! And in week 11 I will be heading off for 5 days with a bunch of Uni students, staying together and coordinating a mission trip. I have no idea how this is all going to work, if I'm vomiting every morning and not eating any processed meat.
But as Earl keeps saying- best case scenario is that all this happens. And what a glorious problem to have. It all comes down to Friday.
Praying for two little heart-beats!