"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Growing in Patience?

Some of you might be wondering why I go from cycle to cycle without a break.

There are a few reasons. I am someone who loves to be doing something. I am actually more content during a cycle (despite the stress) than during the enforced or otherwise breaks that I have had, because it feels like a baby is closer. I know it is possible for me to get pregnant without IVF, but it seems so unlikely (given everything) that I find myself so much more hopeful when I'm doing something.

And the other reason is because I'm just so very impatient to have a baby that the idea that it might be even one month further away is too hard.

A few friends have commented that God must be wanting to teach me patience. I laugh when i think of that. But I don't actually know if I am growing in patience. I am definitely realising that patience would be a helpful thing to have. But so often I just feel like Verruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: "Daddy, I want an Ompa Loompa(or in this case a baby) NOW!"

And because we are now nearing two months until Thumper's due date, it seems even more difficult to wait when I had thought that my time of waiting was to almost be over.

Of course I know that I am growing in patients. I must be. I know that suffering has the affect of teaching and growing us. I know I am a better person than the day we started TTC.

But as I often almost jokingly plee with my heavenly Father "Thanks, I've learnt that lesson now, can we move on?".

Speaking of patience and moving on, to my complete surprise, my blood test result suggests that I am near ovulation. Crazy body! Last month: 18 day ovulation. Month before: 17 day ovulation. Today- day 12!!! Is it a good sign? Who knows. But I am praying that the waiting is almost over.
Love LG

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