"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

It would have been nice

I got AF today. On day 35. It's not that I really truely thought that I was pregnant- though I was starting to feel both hopeful and stressed and unsure. When AF came I felt a little sad. I didn't think I was pregnant.

But it would have been nice.

I am still in a pretty good place. I packed my bags, and chatted with friends, and did my work despite the arrival.

But it would have been nice.

I am feeling really excited and hopeful about moving onto a new clinic. It has been a really rough year and change is good. I am very aware that my chances in any non-medicated cycle are very slim, and that my best chances are when the doctors do some of the hard work for me.

But it would have been nice.

It would have been nice to be pregnant. It would have been wonderful. It would have been the best. To be pregnant a year after loosing Thumper. To go into a year of change with a little miracle nestling inside of me.

But it was not to be.

1 comment:

  1. I just had a similar experience. My AF is aaaaalways right on time. This cycle, despite negative HPTs, my period was 3 days late. That's an eternity for my cycle. I called my regular doc, had her call in a blood test, and had my beta tested. I KNEW my period would come as soon as I allowed myself this moment of hope and excitement. Sure enough, not 90 minutes after the test, I saw some light spotting. Results came back 2 hours later - not pregnant. Then full AF commenced. WTF.

    I wish you had been pregnant. You will be soon, I remain positive. Positive for you and for me. 2012 is our year.