"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

Thursday, October 4, 2012

No news is not necessarily good news

Here is the great dilemma and drama of the 1 week wait for me.

Because I have this absolutely annoying history of getting early bleeding when I am not pregnant in an IVF cycle (sometimes fresh, sometimes frozen), I spend the one week wait panicking every time I go to the bathroom.  Because I just don't know when AF will arrive.  And every time AF hasn't arrived I am relieved and a little excited, because no AF means I might be pregnant, right?

This is the problem.  When you have a whole week of this stress-to-relief cycle it affects you.  Because every No-AF time feels like a little victory.  And all those little victories add up in my head as evidence to the fact that I might be pregnant.

But no AF at this stage doesn't mean I'm pregnant.  Do you know what it means?  It means that either I am pregnant, or that the medication that they have put me on is working so that I don't bleed.  It is not a positive.  It is a neutral.

But how do you keep that in your head?  I find it really hard.  I know that my period wouldn't be due until tomorrow anyway, even if I didn't have shots last Saturday to keep my levels up.  Yet I'm feeling excited because I'm not bleeding yet, because this could be the one, because as much as I tell myself that all I really know is that AF hasn't arrived, it feels much more powerful and exciting than that.

It's just the drama of this time I guess.

In terms of symptoms it's kinda funny because any symptoms I've had I've had since before the transfer!  Because my clinic is putting me on synthetic shots of pregnancy hormone to keep my lining strong- I've actually been bloated and a tiny bit nausea all week :)  And it is hard to know if what I am experiencing is still there because I'm pregnant or just because the hormones haven't worn off yet.  And the lady at the clinic warned me that there is no guarantee that the hormones will have totally run out before the beta- hence the possibility that I might have symptoms and no AF until Monday, when the Beta lets me know once and for all.

And of course, there is also the ridiculous problem that I am actually a total hypochondriac and have been known to vomit when I think I'm pregnant when actually I'm not.

So i guess the moral of this rambly post is that there is no way I can know if I am pregnant except by taking the beta.  Which is four days away.


  1. I've been praying all week for good news for you...and counting the days!!!

    So...just curious....since they gave you pregnancy hormones peeing on a stick would not be accurate, right? But then how is the Beta accurate?

  2. By the time of the beta there might be some HCG in my system but not a significant amount. Last time I had a reading of 2. Not sure re peeing on a stick, but I never do that anyway for IVF, I just wait for the beta. I didn't realise that was unusual until I came on line :) thanks for your prayers and on going support Lara, it is such a blessing :)